Re: Holy Spirit - A Tanka Poem by amanda_dcosta	Dovina 68.183.220.26	1-Aug-10/5:44 PM
Englsish tanka does not have to harness itself to 57577, but here you do it without feeling harnessed. The only exception might be that "delight" and "pleasure" are about the same.
Re: Chasing Droplets by dinah	Dovina 68.183.220.26	1-Aug-10/5:47 PM
it seems strange that anyone, even you, could give "any gift in the world." Gifts seem more like the special traits that make each of us unique. Yet I fee the captivity of it.
Re: puppy love by Freethinker1602	Dovina 68.183.220.26	1-Aug-10/5:54 PM
Its the way it goes when you feed a poor dog. He almost always goes bock to his self-pity wallow.
Re: white whale by ThePariahDog	Dovina 68.183.220.26	1-Aug-10/5:56 PM
Some people think that Moby Dick is about a man after a whale. Im glad to see that you see more than that in it.
Re: Chasing Droplets by dinah	daggatolar 174.142.32.148	2-Aug-10/5:46 AM
I can see your pain to give out life in full richness - the greatest of all gift and to now be held down And be bound out of life itself... what a pity definition of life.... for anyone ... woman or not
Re: IN THE OUTPOST OF WORDS by daggatolar	http://mulberryfairy 76.24.243.64	29-Aug-10/9:18 PM
I like it all, especially 2nd verse, but am distracted by 1st line and 11th
Re: Chasing Droplets by dinah	http://mulberryfairy 76.24.243.64	29-Aug-10/9:20 PM
Nice, I love the last stanza. If you took out some of the complete sentences/wasted words like "that" and "the", I think it would be even better.
Re: Holy Spirit - A Tanka Poem by amanda_dcosta	http://mulberryfairy 76.24.243.64	29-Aug-10/9:24 PM
I would separate every and day if I were you, because everyday isn't the same as every day, everyday implies boring or commonplace.
Re: puppy love by Freethinker1602	http://mulberryfairy 76.24.243.64	29-Aug-10/9:27 PM
dieing=dying (last stanza) in the first stanza, I think it should say "an awkward little runt" because in that stanza you are talking about yourself in 1st and 3rd person, and saying "The awkward little runt" sounds like another voice is saying it.
Re: white whale by ThePariahDog	http://mulberryfairy 76.24.243.64	29-Aug-10/9:28 PM
nice sex/hunt Ahab
Re: Prospects by http://mulberryfairy	nypoet22 75.74.32.242	16-Sep-10/12:54 AM
very personal free-verse. in general i liked it. the third segment seems kind-of unnecessary, at least as its own distinct unit. if not, i would reverse the order of II and III. the end of III and beginning of II have an obvious connection, and "why are you here?" is a much better ending place.
Re: IN THE OUTPOST OF WORDS by daggatolar	nypoet22 75.74.32.242	16-Sep-10/12:57 AM
i don't mind the language - clever enough - but the emotional content i find a bit dry. maybe that's the whole point, but i'm not really feeling it.
Re: Chasing Droplets by dinah	nypoet22 75.74.32.242	16-Sep-10/1:04 AM
i like the overall sentiment. this feels like it hasn't been edited yet. write it however you like, but i would write it: I am cursed. I give yet receive nothing. I gave everything. Now I'm stuck, sitting on the dead orchid petals you keep watering for the illusion of life. I desire freedom. give me back my body.
Re: Holy Spirit - A Tanka Poem by amanda_dcosta	nypoet22 75.74.32.242	16-Sep-10/1:07 AM
i like the form, and the last line. the rest, however, needs work in my view. the adjectives are standard.
Re: Poemranker is Back! by Dovina	nypoet22 75.74.32.242	16-Sep-10/1:08 AM
simple, elegant, i like it! ;)
Re: puppy love by Freethinker1602	nypoet22 75.74.32.242	16-Sep-10/1:09 AM
sincere, if imprecise.
Re: Reunification, the Pong by http://mulberryfairy	Edna Sweetlove 212.139.234.89	21-Sep-10/5:08 AM
Sounds like a typical American city rather than Germany.
Re: The Cat Goddess by nypoet22	Edna Sweetlove 212.139.234.89	21-Sep-10/5:09 AM
Miaow.
Re: puppy love by Freethinker1602	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.10.118	24-Sep-10/4:49 AM
This is a delightful poem about a puppy, albeit with some grammatical errors. Why not submit it to my lovely new website: http://ednaspoetrysite.proboards.com ? I would if I were you...
Re: white whale by ThePariahDog	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.10.118	24-Sep-10/4:51 AM
Odd. Try getting more comments by submitting it to: http://ednaspoetrysite.proboards.com ? I would if I were you...