Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

The Cat Goddess (Sonnet) by nypoet22
She watches with a lion's guarded glance, Harnessed power gathered in her wake. She picks each word precisely, makes them dance; A candor in her creatures cannot fake. Her arms are dragons burned into the flesh, Her legs the grinning patience of the shark; The world and all its cruelty was her crèche, Sliced her senses, like scalpels in the dark. Each scar she wears is patterned from her valor, Twists of wisdom behind a narrowed eye But cutting, burning, falling cannot kill her - Heaven knows, at every turn they try From every plummet she emerges neat, Intact, enhanced, bemused and on her feet.

Up the ladder: God the mother
Down the ladder: Everyday

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00

Arithmetic Mean: 8.0
Weighted score: 5.1422777
Overall Rank: 5480
Posted: September 3, 2010 5:29 PM PDT; Last modified: June 26, 2012 9:10 AM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
[7] Edna Sweetlove @ 212.139.234.89 | 21-Sep-10/5:09 AM | Reply
Miaow.
[8] Skamper @ 124.181.76.40 | 9-Jun-12/5:02 AM | Reply
once again my ignorance prevails...but valor and greater don't work with me...could be my british upbringing...adore the power within her being...could be because i am a leo
[8] Ranger @ 2.97.62.69 | 22-Jun-12/4:11 PM | Reply
Mostly ace. May I suggest some crits? I'm going to anyway.

Line 4 trips the rhythm too much - perhaps needs revising?
Line 8 - get rid of 'like'. It's unnecessary and interrupts the flow.
As someone's already said, 'valo(u)r' and 'greater' just don't do it. The other rhymes are perfect (flesh/creche? Fantastic!) so don't spoil it right at the end.

Otherwise, like -8-
[n/a] nypoet22 @ 69.118.234.247 > Ranger | 22-Jun-12/4:14 PM | Reply
great to hear from you again! y'know, we never did finish that renga!
[8] Ranger @ 2.97.62.69 > nypoet22 | 22-Jun-12/4:21 PM | Reply
Good God, yes - I'd forgotten about that! It's too late to go rooting round a broken computer tonight, but I wrote a renga once upon a time after that. Maybe I'll post it one day.

(Actually, having read our effort, it wasn't at all bad!)
[n/a] nypoet22 @ 69.118.234.247 > Ranger | 26-Jun-12/9:13 AM | Reply
but it wasn't complete! we left off at verse 23 (summer/winter). on this poem i agree with your comments; made two changes where you suggested, though i still prefer simile over metaphor for the end of the first stanza.
[8] Moauram @ 180.215.47.82 | 27-Jul-12/8:26 PM | Reply
Soulful poem...
423 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001