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Sonnet № 159605

The Cat Goddess

Member since 2006 · Posted 3 Sep 2010 · Edited 26 Jun 2012 · 7 comments

She watches with a lion's guarded glance, Harnessed power gathered in her wake. She picks each word precisely, makes them dance; A candor in her creatures cannot fake. Her arms are dragons burned into the flesh, Her legs the grinning patience of the shark; The world and all its cruelty was her crèche, Sliced her senses, like scalpels in the dark. Each scar she wears is patterned from her valor, Twists of wisdom behind a narrowed eye But cutting, burning, falling cannot kill her - Heaven knows, at every turn they try From every plummet she emerges neat, Intact, enhanced, bemused and on her feet.

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1 vote so far. Yours would make 2.1 vote so far

7 comments

[7] Edna Sweetlove 21-Sep-10/5:09 AM Reply
Miaow.
[8] Skamper 9-Jun-12/5:02 AM Reply
once again my ignorance prevails...but valor and greater don't work with me...could be my british upbringing...adore the power within her being...could be because i am a leo
[8] Ranger 22-Jun-12/4:11 PM Reply
Mostly ace. May I suggest some crits? I'm going to anyway.

Line 4 trips the rhythm too much - perhaps needs revising?
Line 8 - get rid of 'like'. It's unnecessary and interrupts the flow.
As someone's already said, 'valo(u)r' and 'greater' just don't do it. The other rhymes are perfect (flesh/creche? Fantastic!) so don't spoil it right at the end.

Otherwise, like -8-
[n/a] nypoet22 Ranger 22-Jun-12/4:14 PM Reply
great to hear from you again! y'know, we never did finish that renga!
[8] Ranger nypoet22 22-Jun-12/4:21 PM Reply
Good God, yes - I'd forgotten about that! It's too late to go rooting round a broken computer tonight, but I wrote a renga once upon a time after that. Maybe I'll post it one day.

(Actually, having read our effort, it wasn't at all bad!)
[n/a] nypoet22 Ranger 26-Jun-12/9:13 AM Reply
but it wasn't complete! we left off at verse 23 (summer/winter). on this poem i agree with your comments; made two changes where you suggested, though i still prefer simile over metaphor for the end of the first stanza.
[8] Moauram 27-Jul-12/8:26 PM Reply
Soulful poem...