Sonnet № 159605
The Cat Goddess
She watches with a lion's guarded glance,
Harnessed power gathered in her wake.
She picks each word precisely, makes them dance;
A candor in her creatures cannot fake.
Her arms are dragons burned into the flesh,
Her legs the grinning patience of the shark;
The world and all its cruelty was her crèche,
Sliced her senses, like scalpels in the dark.
Each scar she wears is patterned from her valor,
Twists of wisdom behind a narrowed eye
But cutting, burning, falling cannot kill her -
Heaven knows, at every turn they try
From every plummet she emerges neat,
Intact, enhanced, bemused and on her feet.
7 comments
Line 4 trips the rhythm too much - perhaps needs revising?
Line 8 - get rid of 'like'. It's unnecessary and interrupts the flow.
As someone's already said, 'valo(u)r' and 'greater' just don't do it. The other rhymes are perfect (flesh/creche? Fantastic!) so don't spoil it right at the end.
Otherwise, like -8-
(Actually, having read our effort, it wasn't at all bad!)
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