Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Drowning in Me (Lyric) by scitz
I looked upon the field of my past, And felt the stone with you I cast. The sun scorched dendritic skies, It hid as I watched with envious eyes. All the beauty inside me has vanished, All the self respect within me banished. I am drowning in me just for some breath. All I have lost is all that is left. The church with its fields where we kissed. The wasteland of diseased birch where that day we grew, All I found is everything we missed, Drowning in me for loving you. I look at my face and pretend you are back. Trapped in a mirror that now only cracks. If Love is a bird then I am its nest. You are the Cuckoo that came here to nest, You left and killed all that remains, And the nature of your verse, Drove into my heart like a hearse. One day will my loss be explained? Love is power, Its doppelganger, your darkest hour.

Up the ladder: Games
Down the ladder: Small Town Tavern

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 20
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 01
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 5.8
Weighted score: 5.095362
Overall Rank: 6082
Posted: January 6, 2003 6:21 AM PST; Last modified: March 26, 2003 1:39 PM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[9] Another Bobjim?!?! @ 81.132.42.59 | 6-Jan-03/12:34 PM | Reply
Perhaps make it into a lyric?
[9] wOrnella Mutiw @ 198.81.26.167 | 19-Jan-03/4:28 PM | Reply
dendritic, doppelganger...going to my dictionary....must you use Webster on me? Other than that a fine capture of raw emotion...9
[4] jh99 @ 75.220.45.254 | 28-Feb-10/6:44 AM | Reply
First stanza a bit lengthy but good, second not so much. Too many forced rhymes and bizarre images of cuckoo birds acting like the cow bird or a raptor such as a hawk that cause devastation in the bird world, or even the crow or raven.
233 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001