| Re: Mother Mayday is Here to Stay (Stay Away!) by T. Jonathron Remp |
half.italian 75.82.193.144 |
22-Jan-10/11:32 PM |
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not poetry. Somewhat intelligent angst.
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| Re: hi by pete |
half.italian 75.82.193.144 |
22-Jan-10/11:35 PM |
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pete, you need some more LSD. Keep those brain juices flowing.
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| Re: Reunification, the Pong by http://mulberryfairy |
half.italian 75.82.193.144 |
22-Jan-10/11:37 PM |
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Nice imagery....but forced. It doesn't feel natural.
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| Re: Withering Blithering Blathering Wavering by T. Jonathron Remp |
half.italian 75.82.193.144 |
22-Jan-10/11:41 PM |
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I liked the first few lines because I could keep the beat.
That must have been all you had going, because once I lost the beat, I hated it.
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| Re: untitle by daggatolar |
half.italian 75.82.193.144 |
22-Jan-10/11:45 PM |
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| Re: With Old Light by Ranger |
half.italian 75.82.193.144 |
24-Jan-10/8:51 PM |
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| Re: Farewell, Kind Lover by Dovina |
half.italian 75.82.193.144 |
24-Jan-10/8:53 PM |
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Can you please fix this a bit for me. Just add some "a"s. I love it.
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| Re: My Thoughts by amanda_dcosta |
half.italian 75.82.193.144 |
24-Jan-10/8:55 PM |
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| Re: End of day poem by ecargo |
half.italian 75.82.193.144 |
24-Jan-10/8:59 PM |
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| Re: certain things... by nypoet22 |
half.italian 75.82.193.144 |
24-Jan-10/9:01 PM |
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| Re: a bit of theory by pete |
half.italian 75.82.193.144 |
24-Jan-10/9:03 PM |
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| Re: February by half.italian |
Dovina 68.183.149.64 |
1-Feb-10/4:35 PM |
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why not when it was cold? is love when you want it or is it good all the time?
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| Re: February by half.italian |
half.italian 75.82.193.144 |
1-Feb-10/10:03 PM |
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Thanks for responding. :)
ok...It was just a simple point in time type thing, but I see where you are going.
What type of payoff do you generally look for in a poem?
I guess I was only trying to convey a feeling. Nothing more. I see that it could seem "incomplete" for some people.
I'll see if I can expand on it.
Have you submitted anything recently? This site needs some tlc from poem makers.
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| Re: happy new year by ThePariahDog |
jh99 75.253.161.35 |
27-Feb-10/9:04 AM |
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Not in the purest sense Free Verse. It feels forced at times, perhaps running the theme through different forms and changing the rhyme scheme could strengthen it.
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| Re: You Chose by some deleted user |
jh99 75.253.161.35 |
27-Feb-10/9:09 AM |
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Not Free Verse, and the rhyming way too forced and clichéd. " Giving me chills " why ? The ending lines in the last stanza offer up hope for this piece.
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| Re: Helmand's prisoners by Caducus |
jh99 75.253.161.35 |
27-Feb-10/9:11 AM |
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This is awesome. Original and powerful keep it up, the world needs writings like this.
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| Re: Black Magic by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
jh99 75.253.161.35 |
27-Feb-10/9:14 AM |
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This is very well written. There is hope after all.
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| Re: Dad by Sheeva |
jh99 75.252.241.16 |
27-Feb-10/1:44 PM |
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Too many " forced rhymes ". Try alternating the rhyme scheme or dropping it altogether and use different descriptions for the emotions, make it fresh and original that way.
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| Re: Loser by Freethinker1602 |
jh99 75.220.45.254 |
28-Feb-10/12:22 AM |
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Apart from Tom Petty, and some Bollywood films, Free Verse lyrics are rare. This however has a lot of clichés and the pacing is way off. These do read as lyrics with the repeated stanzas. You need to seriously rethink your efforts on this and try to write something more original.
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| Re: Dear Brother by Miss B. Haven |
jh99 75.220.45.254 |
28-Feb-10/12:40 AM |
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The difference between poetry and a page out of a diary is very considerable here.
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