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Dad (Other) by Sheeva Dreaming of you takes its toll
So much it burns my soul
You weren't there much
Didn't keep in touch
Your behind bars now
All I could say is wow!
You let me down
Oh man what now... I'd rather drown
One last chance to make it right
You gonna take it or put up a fight
Its time for you to be my dad
Ran away before... am I really that bad?
Up the ladder:
Goodbye
Down the ladder:
To Fidel Castro @ 83
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.0
Posted: November 18, 2009 1:04 PM PST; Last modified: November 18, 2009 1:04 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.905148 Overall Rank: 9802 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
[3]
jh99 @ 75.252.241.16
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27-Feb-10/1:44 PM
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Reply
Too many " forced rhymes ". Try alternating the rhyme scheme or dropping it altogether and use different descriptions for the emotions, make it fresh and original that way.
[n/a]
Sheeva @ 97.86.115.119
> jh99
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29-Jul-10/3:21 PM
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Reply
Thanx the rhymes werent actually forced though... my words tend to flow in rhyming form.
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