Re: Her Eyes by Fayt	nypoet22 65.10.92.48	24-Sep-06/6:35 PM
love, from above? i know you're constrained by the sonnet form, but if i were you i'd scrap the last two lines and write something completely different. it almost sounds as if you just ran out of things to say and regressed to the least common denominator. push yourself!
Re: Soup Can by oneglove	nypoet22 65.10.92.48	24-Sep-06/7:12 PM
jumping off buildings Just to part the crowd i like this. because of the cliche first and third lines i think some people may give up on this poem prematurely, but i like the feeling in the last few. as a poem on the subject of suicide, i guess it can't help being a bit over the top, so to speak. consider a different beginning, but keep the end.
Re: Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger	nypoet22 65.10.92.48	24-Sep-06/7:23 PM
pleasant blankverse. the first two stanzas paint a moving, deliberate picture, and i'm waiting for the payoff, but the final strophe doesn't quite deliver. after "earthen pitch," it reads like you're trying to jam too much information into a space that won't hold it. i'm all for clever metaphors, but in this case i think you need to leave the leaping lizards and passing insects. readdress the ending more literally and bring your main idea into focus.
Re: Normality by colbaby	nypoet22 65.10.92.48	24-Sep-06/7:29 PM
"And I’ve lost another shoelace in this giant vat of beer." just when i was ready to write it off as a futile exercise, that line saves the poem. Normality is not grammatically incorrect, but it's generally referred to as normalcy. not that that's a good thing.
Re: You by amanda_dcosta	nypoet22 65.10.92.48	24-Sep-06/7:32 PM
very "hallmark card"
Re: Solving Freud's Conflict (not a weather poem) by nypoet22	Dovina 12.72.44.205	24-Sep-06/7:40 PM
Freud has been a called a man with "a whole climate of opinion." - WH Auden. So you have written a Freudian weather poem. Admit its inevitability. Death solves many conflicts, and our atoms mix eventually with those we hate. Best not to hate; maybe that's what you;re saying. Good poem.
Re: SLIM JIM by PodPoet	nypoet22 65.10.92.48	24-Sep-06/8:06 PM
wait, i get it now. it's a 9/11 poem! jeez. still a little inane to conceptualize it this way... but i have to admit it's substantially more clever than i initially thought.
Re: Fun At The Gynaecologists by Edna Sweetlove	ecargo 167.219.88.140	25-Sep-06/9:27 AM
I see the torch has been passed . . . well, it is in the 'ranker tradition, but you'll have to work at it a bit, sweet Edna, before you'll get the accolades due a Stephen Robins, let alone a -=DA=-P.I. Still, I appreciate the effort! You left out the part about the speculum (what I like to affectionately call "The Crank") stored in ice water and the lovely queef (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginal_flatulence) that often occurs at the end of the procedure. I'd have to take off major points for those omissions, if I were to vote, Edna.
Re: Fun At The Gynaecologists by Edna Sweetlove	Engelbert Humpalot 194.154.22.54	25-Sep-06/10:08 AM
I would love to have a front row stall view at the gynaecologists...
Re: Sic Transit Gloriae Britannicae et Americanae by Edna Sweetlove	Engelbert Humpalot 194.154.22.54	25-Sep-06/10:10 AM
Excellent !
regarding some deleted poem...	Engelbert Humpalot 194.154.22.54	25-Sep-06/10:11 AM
Sloppy, poorly thought out PIFFLE.
Re: The Mikado's Poetic List by Engelbert Humpalot	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.195.223	25-Sep-06/1:17 PM
Very clever. Well done Engy!
Re: Attention, This Just In by thepinkbunnyofdoom	Dovina 70.38.78.229	25-Sep-06/3:28 PM
It seems overly wordy for what's being said, as if it's a first draft. Could be made into something though. Led, not lead, in the penultimate verse.
Re: The Mikado's Poetic List by Engelbert Humpalot	ecargo 63.22.67.108	26-Sep-06/7:00 AM
Ha! Wow--it's better than Eric Idle's updated version, even (yeah, I'm a geek and had to see how it compared to the original and otherwise). Love how you kept to the original rhyme scheme in places but utterly subverted this. I have to say--yes, I have to say it--"what a real great write." ;) Very fun. Well done.
Re: Pain by PoeticJustice	creepshow 71.220.68.53	26-Sep-06/9:08 AM
I like the last couple of paragraphs...the lighter falling, the hate, the vows, the truth...all very emotional, very well written.
Re: The Dovina Memorial Bike Lane by Dovina	leonxic 129.7.120.229	26-Sep-06/1:47 PM
If nothing else, the subject matter is completely original. Great idea; wish i'd thought of it.
Re: Shadows In Your Eyes by PoeticJustice	leonxic 129.7.120.229	26-Sep-06/1:51 PM
The rhyme and rhythm are very forced. The structure of the poem is almost an afterthought, you might want to consider incorperating them while writing instead.
Re: Pain by PoeticJustice	leonxic 129.7.120.229	26-Sep-06/2:30 PM
I think this might be something Keanu Reeves wrote when he was thirteen. I better not criticize this further though; his "anger engulfs him" and that sounds dangerous.
Re: Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger	drnick 24.176.22.254	27-Sep-06/2:10 PM
What's up, buddy? Just wanted to say hi, I'll be back later to read your poem.
Re: Doubtcohol by drnick	Ranger 62.252.32.15	27-Sep-06/3:15 PM
Damned good, I didn't recognise the rhyme scheme until the second read. Last couplet is a killer; having just walked back through town in the rain I had to laugh at what people were wearing, or I would if I hadn't walked to a club, found a queue longer than a very long piece of string and strolled back again. I meant to leave a message on your blogspace quite recently, actually, but when I got to it I just couldn't think what to write. Are you back at uni, or was last year your finals? If so, what did you finish with?