Decent poem about addiction. The title needs a little more punctuation ('This, my love, is for you'). I do hope this is only about something minor, not the chemical evils that abound...

Excellent.

So this has been one of my favourite ranker poems for the last year or so, it was the chief inspiration behind every villanelle that I've ever written, and yet I haven't commented or voted on it until now? This is the best vil. on poemranker, and then some. Whenever I think of the form, I always think of this. -10- and favourited.

If you take the "c" from the title, it will sound more like "alcohol." Capitals at line beginnings are not consistent. "stays unperturbed" It's a good poem in need of help.

OMG!!! I totally feel your pain here dude! Let's like, set fire to shit!!111oneone

Dude! Too many verbs! And no pain or tourture at all? What about making it a love poem? With darkness and shit?

I am not sure that I required the intro...this piece didn't need 'setting up'. That said...this is a really strong piece on several merits. Word choice was Choice, good flow/rythm (getting better at that, aren't you?!), has a timeless feel to it, classic without being a repetitious example of classic form, held my interest very well, and painted a lovely picture...yes, I said lovely. I has a touch of morbidity, but only a touch that does not dwell concretely there. Fascinating and captivating. Think about submitting this one for publication. A few little fixes here and there may be needed:"To cover - maybe hide - you 'til the dawn" I'd like to see written in a way that encouraged a better flow. To cover- maybe hide you, till the dawn...? I don't know how, but the dashes seem to call for more halting than I feel comfortable with. Also, you use commas and such, but not entirely. I think you could use one here: 'Still, you burn so white' In fact, periods etc would probably be called for since you used>,;'...:) (Hence, the 9 vote) The pieces that seem to come from the distant past, that read as if written in some far-away time and place, seem to be your forte'. True to my own rule, I will vote and comment before I read what others voted and commented... but must admit I am anxious to see others' reactions.

LOl. quite a bit of fun, here, ae

I have a rule: read first, comment next, vote thirdly, hit submit...then go see what others had to say. I hope, hope, Hope people found this to be of as great a worth as I. It is a gem...an absolute gem. Fantastic. I do think I would have moved "the girl," up to the first line of the last stanza, to help with flow there. Also "till blood did hum" didn't seem to rise to the high caliber this piece called for. That said...This is a fantastic piece. Now I will have to go looking for what else you have lain quill to!

Cool...I would consider changing the 'ears' line...maybe change 'see' to grasp, grab,...I don't know; maybe not...you are in a fog of thought and reacting from an inner, gut level and language here. I would probably use just such a phrase, especially within the context of internal dialog. The first read-through didn't grab me, but after a second, then a third read, it grew on me. I do think it has potential to be more...not by way of excessive wording- but in expounding. I'd like to know more...from point a to point b, etc.

I am way too exhausted to read anymore tonight...I'll save my vote for later. I'm not sure what this is about, exactly. I think it is painting a picture...of which she is not very fond; and she, very fond are you of. It seems to be that...but then I may later find it is about a thousand other things...I know how you like to lay your layers between layers...nothing for the mind-numb, from you. I will come back to read again and expound upon that which sent my lobes leaping, and that which left me yearning for something more...you deserve nothing less than a thoroughly penetrating look, scathing honesty, and unabashed confessions when you excite the senses to such unmentionably exquisite places.

I can feel it coming from you heart. Beautiful.

You followed a rhyming patterned, and I felt it when you deviated from it...may you could find a way of sticking with it through to the end? I also think some commas, instead of period, would work better. That said, I like this. Simple style, but a nice little piece.

Welcome back. Very sensual and direct. "the kisses" in line 4 could lose "the." "feet;" should have a period I think. Why the comma in "you, now"?

For your age, this is quite good. If your were 50, I would say it is a collection of cliches. The glory of youth is the newness of everything. It's quite refreshing. Keep writing, you're better at it than most thirteen-yeart-olds.

You have been on Poemranker since 4/04, have posted 8 poems, commented on none, voted on none. And you have the audacity to expect comment and votes on this! Have a nice day. :(

don't you mean nectar?

do you know about enjambement? it's a useful poetic device. this is an excellent start, but if you didn't end each line so suddenly, i think you could make this baby work overtime.

the perfect pimple! 10, i say! 10!

except, lose the last line.