Pain

Member since 2006 · Posted 23 Sep 2006 · 4 comments

The flames are all around My anger engulfs me I feel like I'm going to drown There's no one to set me free They come closer It burns me now I've become a poser Under the pressure I finally bow My thoughts travel to you With my last breath I smile Knowing you didn't have a clue I wish you had stayed a while You turned and walked away It hurt to watch you go But I bet you'll wish you had stayed As my body goes limp from head to toe The lighter falls from my hand You said you hate me Screamed that I should understand To let you and my sister be You're hers now I've let you go, we're through Since you forgot your vow Just know that mine were true

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5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

4 comments

[5] nypoet22 24-Sep-06/6:29 PM Reply

a homocidal arsonist poem? maybe you're just too far ahead of me, but i'm having trouble taking something meaningful from it. i know you have an endrhyme scheme that you feel you need to follow, but before it rhymes this has to bring something more evocative. don't tell about the anger. show it.

[8] creepshow 26-Sep-06/9:08 AM Reply

I like the last couple of paragraphs...the lighter falling, the hate, the vows, the truth...all very emotional, very well written.

[3] leonxic 26-Sep-06/2:30 PM Reply

I think this might be something Keanu Reeves wrote when he was thirteen. I better not criticize this further though; his "anger engulfs him" and that sounds dangerous.

[0] Bobjim 28-Sep-06/9:39 AM Reply

OMG!!! I totally feel your pain here dude! Let's like, set fire to shit!!111oneone