Re: Flamin Monkey's by Blade	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/5:59 PM
's is a _possessive_, except in the case of "it's". You slay me. cute, ish.
Re: A Little Life by Tom Colebrooke	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:02 PM
fly's <-- flies cann't <-- can't cute poem, but in something so small the little problems really are mountains. flow/rhythm/etc are off and the rhymes feel forced. :/
Re: Hazy days by cleverdevice	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:04 PM
who's <-- whose who's means "who is", as in "who's going to fix that?"
Re: Dead Poets' Society (Joke) by Yardbird	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:07 PM
who's <- whose! cute joke, though. I think I've heard it?
Re: Pity me. by cleverdevice	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:07 PM
Okay, you got a laugh out of me. Thanks. :)
Re: I've thought a lot by MacFrantic	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:13 PM
odd. interesting. oddly convoluted in manner, which doesn't seem to suit the piece (except by way of example, but generally it's best not to give so strong an example of self-reference with something negative).
Re: Weather Poem part 4: Cleaning Day by nypoet22	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:14 PM
cute. liking this.
regarding some deleted poem...	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:15 PM
I don't have the concentration for it at the moment, but it's quirky/interesting...
Re: Peter by Wakeboarder20	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:16 PM
hmm... huh?
Re: May Sinners Rot In Fucking Hell! by Sing4Jesus!	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:17 PM
funny :)
regarding some deleted poem...	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:19 PM
the dripping isn't... quite... there... for me, though this is of the sort of thing I like. I think the first stanza is significantly stronger than the rest. :/
regarding some deleted poem...	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:20 PM
works well as death metal, perhaps. the words/phrases themselves seem too commonly/obviously put together.
Re: Dedication by MissUnderstood	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:25 PM
simple, but, er, trite. You've got a flow, I'll give you that, though the yoda speak is ... twisted. Are you killing yourself? If not, what have you done to mend the shredded remains of a treasured friend? At least, the way you've phrased it, you're implying you've done something _towards_ mending things.
Re: Weather poem part 5: the cold dusk by nypoet22	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:26 PM
I disagree on the "Everyone cries gently". Some people cry only violently. Same with laughter. It can be frightening. Doesn't feel forced, which is nice, but does feel trite, to me.
Re: "Twee" by Ranger	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:30 PM
Hmmzor.
regarding some deleted poem...	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:31 PM
I like this =)
Re: Untitled by PunkyPanda	nentwined 68.232.253.122	4-Oct-06/6:32 PM
meh.
Re: Innocence revisited by Caducus	Shuushin 65.175.179.197	4-Oct-06/6:54 PM
I read virginal as "vaginal", go figure.
Re: Street Preacher by Dovina	Shuushin 65.175.179.197	4-Oct-06/6:57 PM
yep, I hate when I throw up words, especially "why" let the words do a little of the work - there are too many here, methinks.
Re: Untitled by PunkyPanda	Shuushin 65.175.179.197	4-Oct-06/6:59 PM
a scab implies a healing wound, no? I'd like to see this said with fewer, more powerful imagery.