simple, but, er, trite. You've got a flow, I'll give you that, though the yoda speak is ... twisted. Are you killing yourself? If not, what have you done to mend the shredded remains of a treasured friend? At least, the way you've phrased it, you're implying you've done something _towards_ mending things.

I disagree on the "Everyone cries gently". Some people cry only violently. Same with laughter. It can be frightening. Doesn't feel forced, which is nice, but does feel trite, to me.

's is a _possessive_, except in the case of "it's". You slay me. cute, ish.

fly's <-- flies cann't <-- can't cute poem, but in something so small the little problems really are mountains. flow/rhythm/etc are off and the rhymes feel forced. :/

who's <-- whose who's means "who is", as in "who's going to fix that?"

who's <- whose! cute joke, though. I think I've heard it?

Okay, you got a laugh out of me. Thanks. :)

odd. interesting. oddly convoluted in manner, which doesn't seem to suit the piece (except by way of example, but generally it's best not to give so strong an example of self-reference with something negative).

cute. liking this.

I don't have the concentration for it at the moment, but it's quirky/interesting...

hmm... huh?

works well as death metal, perhaps. the words/phrases themselves seem too commonly/obviously put together.

funny :)

the dripping isn't... quite... there... for me, though this is of the sort of thing I like. I think the first stanza is significantly stronger than the rest. :/

Hmmzor.

I like this =)

meh.

I read virginal as "vaginal", go figure.

yep, I hate when I throw up words, especially "why" let the words do a little of the work - there are too many here, methinks.

a scab implies a healing wound, no? I'd like to see this said with fewer, more powerful imagery.