Dark Angel's list. [_] AABBCC rhyming scheme [X] About romantic love [_] Arbitrary indentation [_] Arbitrary line breaks [_] Autobiographical but in the third person [_] Braggadocious [_] Clerical errors [_] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.) [_] Cliched adolescent metaphors of darkness for despair etc. [_] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments [_] Devoid of rhyme [_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices [_] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery [_] Drug references [_] Elves [_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits' [_] Insipidly whimsical or zany [_] Leaving rant [_] Lower case only [_] 'Lyrics' [_] Melodramatic [_] Naively religious or superstitious [_] Obsessed with femininity [_] Overabundance of ellipses [_] Overuse of Latinate words and/or convoluted sentence structures [X] Pointedly unanswered questions [_] Protagonist has a smug name [_] Rage against the machine [X] References to the author's 'social life' [_] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea [_] Sanctimoniously moral [X] Sappy [X] Suicide-related [_] Wish fulfilment

Something went wrong. It certainly is NOT suicide-related, and I wouldn't say it was sappy. Some might.

how can you honestly give it one at least give me feedback

I don't think "an" was ever appropriate before a G. You are perhaps generalizing from the way "an" before "h" is archaic and fussy. It just sounds wrong here.

Blech.

Eschew surplusage.

Hope you feel better, Roisin.

Not a poem.

80% of the stuff here is worse...

o0

Six degrees of thesaurus?

i wish i had shoes and no socks

I like a poem that saves itself until the last line. Anyway, it's a very good <i>idea</i> for a poem. I think it could become really good. Try redoing it a half-dozen ways and see what works? My $.02.

I think Dark Angel hit upon something with her list. How tiresome all those elements are. It's therefore surprising this poem is mediocre, or maybe better, which is a great deal better than most of the stuff here. Ms. Angel's stuff isn't about teenage love--to her credit--but her vulgarity, strained rhymes and penchant for bogus archaism is very limited, and ultimately irritating. This poem isn’t great, but it could be great; Ms. Angel is going nowhere.

I shall save Dark Angel the trouble: [_] AABBCC rhyming scheme [X] About romantic love [_] Arbitrary indentation [_] Arbitrary line breaks [_] Autobiographical but in the third person [_] Braggadocious [_] Clerical errors [_] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.) [_] Cliched adolescent metaphors of darkness for despair etc. [_] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments [_] Devoid of rhyme [_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices [X] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery [_] Drug references [_] Elves [_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits' [_] Insipidly whimsical or zany [_] Leaving rant [_] Lower case only [_] 'Lyrics' [X] Melodramatic [_] Naively religious or superstitious [_] Obsessed with femininity [_] Overabundance of ellipses [_] Overuse of Latinate words and/or convoluted sentence structures [X] Pointedly unanswered questions [_] Protagonist has a smug name [_] Rage against the machine [X] References to the author's 'social life' [_] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea [_] Sanctimoniously moral [X] Sappy [_] Suicide-related [_] Wish fulfilment

The raw emotion that forms the very core of this poem is one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced. 10.

skull fucking fantastic wish i had bigger wings.

You should have just drawn an ASCII picture of a naked woman's body.

You must have lots of painful memories about the war.

What fun! Always bet on black... those silly russians and their games! There must be more to life than sex and vodka!