Free verse № 67324
Love poem
I flood my heart with memory.
Again I see the sight
Your moon-bathed hands enfold mine,
And grip them as I type.
And held in them I write these lines,
And twice-reflected light
Warms your skin and brights your eyes
An incandescent white.
While I read this poem, you kiss me.
While I edit it, you wait,
If I rush it, you forbid me,
But it's already too late.
So bathe your face for me, Guenevere,
Gleam your eyes, and enfold
My body in yours, Guenevere,
The moon's fled and I'm so cold.
6 comments
[_] AABBCC rhyming scheme
[X] About romantic love
[_] Arbitrary indentation
[_] Arbitrary line breaks
[_] Autobiographical but in the third person
[_] Braggadocious
[_] Clerical errors
[_] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.)
[_] Cliched adolescent metaphors of darkness for despair etc.
[_] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments
[_] Devoid of rhyme
[_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices
[X] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery
[_] Drug references
[_] Elves
[_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits'
[_] Insipidly whimsical or zany
[_] Leaving rant
[_] Lower case only
[_] 'Lyrics'
[X] Melodramatic
[_] Naively religious or superstitious
[_] Obsessed with femininity
[_] Overabundance of ellipses
[_] Overuse of Latinate words and/or convoluted sentence structures
[X] Pointedly unanswered questions
[_] Protagonist has a smug name
[_] Rage against the machine
[X] References to the author's 'social life'
[_] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea
[_] Sanctimoniously moral
[X] Sappy
[_] Suicide-related
[_] Wish fulfilment
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