The Gentleman

A man who is an Gentleman Takes good care of his Shoes. He wipes them with an Shoe-horne! While readeth he the News. And kind he is to Peasantfolks, And weareth he a shining Cloak, And from a Handsome Pipe he smokes, As should an Gentleman! A man who is an Gentleman Sings boist'rously in Church. He claps his hands and glares at those Who would his name besmirch. And 'pon his potty heaves and strains, And soils his pants with ugly stains, And to his Butler then complains, As should an Gentleman! A man who is an Gentleman Is arrogant and proud. He'd beat a felon about the pate For being well endowed. And haughtily he dons his cape, And rides to towne upon a crepe, And findeth he an girl to rape, As should an Gentleman! A man who is an Gentleman Is wise beyond his years. He'll tell you of his Noble Deeds Reducing you to tears. And then he'll speak in kindly tones, And you'll succumb with grunts and moans, And he'll rejoice whilst you he bones, As should an Gentleman!