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The Gentleman (Free verse) by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
A man who is an Gentleman Takes good care of his Shoes. He wipes them with an Shoe-horne! While readeth he the News. And kind he is to Peasantfolks, And weareth he a shining Cloak, And from a Handsome Pipe he smokes, As should an Gentleman! A man who is an Gentleman Sings boist'rously in Church. He claps his hands and glares at those Who would his name besmirch. And 'pon his potty heaves and strains, And soils his pants with ugly stains, And to his Butler then complains, As should an Gentleman! A man who is an Gentleman Is arrogant and proud. He'd beat a felon about the pate For being well endowed. And haughtily he dons his cape, And rides to towne upon a crepe, And findeth he an girl to rape, As should an Gentleman! A man who is an Gentleman Is wise beyond his years. He'll tell you of his Noble Deeds Reducing you to tears. And then he'll speak in kindly tones, And you'll succumb with grunts and moans, And he'll rejoice whilst you he bones, As should an Gentleman!

Up the ladder: The Mocking Bird
Down the ladder: Forbidden Fruit

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
10  .. 2033
.. 51
.. 42
.. 51
.. 50
.. 10
.. 20
.. 10
.. 00
.. 11
.. 817

Arithmetic Mean: 6.7476635
Weighted score: 6.7476635
Overall Rank: 503
Posted: February 17, 2003 11:22 AM PST; Last modified: February 17, 2003 11:22 AM PST
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The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:

Stephen Robins, zodiac

[6] Bill Z Bub @ | 17-Feb-03/11:42 AM | Reply
Oh, you. 9.
[0] horus8 @ | 17-Feb-03/11:51 AM | Reply
[9] Ranger @ | 17-Feb-03/12:05 PM | Reply
[10] INTRANSIT @ | 17-Feb-03/5:13 PM | Reply
Who are you really?
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ > INTRANSIT | 19-Feb-03/10:52 AM | Reply
My real name is Sherlock Tughampton, I'm twelve years old, and I want to be an astronaut. I'm a very special young man because I am in a Wheeled-chair. I don't think there's anything wrong with that - disableds can do anything they want provided they keep an open mind and embrace new challenges with blind enthusiasm and a spare pair of trousers should any unpleasantness occur. And there are ramps everywhere, these days. Sometimes I just don't know what this world is coming to. Disabled access is taking over like a bubonic plague of incoherent gibberish and uncontrollable streams of dribble. I blame T.V.
Why not blame poorly manufactured prostectics?
[10] keatsImnot @ | 18-Feb-03/2:36 AM | Reply
See you can do it, when you try.
Top marks.
[8] razorgrin @ | 18-Feb-03/10:32 AM | Reply
Well, I'm amused. Soap-droppingly good.
[9] Enki @ | 3-Mar-03/4:06 PM | Reply
I hate it, I give you a 9 and not a point more.
[9] wLeBlanc IIIw @ | 10-Mar-03/7:25 PM | Reply
Very nice. 9/10. I especially enjoyed the inappropriate use of "an".
[n/a] Jeremi B. Handrinos @ > wLeBlanc IIIw | 12-Mar-03/2:37 AM | Reply
ha ha ha. i thought you said you read my poetry ricky? when you sleep, where do your fingers go?
[n/a] Jeremi B. Handrinos @ | 12-Mar-03/2:34 AM | Reply
this would be true if you could keep your tie from getting caught in your spokes.
[7] spank me baby yeah @ | 15-Mar-03/10:32 AM | Reply
[0] horus8 @ > spank me baby yeah | 15-Mar-03/12:09 PM | Reply
Don't confuse a narcissistic poop fetish while polishing one's wheel chair spokes and maintaining an appropriate blood sugar level with snobbery spank me, Jesus has very little to do with it.
[10] Starsigh @ | 18-Mar-03/6:24 PM | Reply
Excellent, and amusing, I'm giving you ten for making me smile.
[n/a] wEdible Underpantsw @ | 28-Mar-03/4:08 AM | Reply
Truly great
[10] Stephen Robins @ | 28-Mar-03/6:25 AM | Reply
This is the best poem on this site. All the rest are crap including my own, but this actually made me chortle out loud, for this sah I commend you.
[8] daniella @ | 28-Mar-03/6:54 AM | Reply
how we love to love the vampire.
[6] lynnstratton @ | 30-Mar-03/9:36 AM | Reply
Why does he wipe them with a shoe-horne, which is used to ease the shoe onto the foote! I thought poem was ok, but an Gentleman should know for what his shoe-horne was created.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ > lynnstratton | 8-Apr-03/9:20 AM | Reply
The intended lines were actually "He waxes them with Sealing-waxe/Lest they become unglued", but due to a clerical error the old version was posted.
[10] bondjedi @ | 8-Apr-03/1:43 PM | Reply
After reading this I longed for gin and an Indian servant boy to serve me rarebit out on the verandah. It captures the very nature of colonialism, and, as such, should be required reading for the "liberated" wogs in Iraq. Top-notch, old boy!
[10] Mr Pig @ | 11-Apr-03/9:05 AM | Reply
Very Humourous, you are a witty man and a 10 would be the mark of a proper gentleman.
[9] cleverdevice @ | 11-Apr-03/12:46 PM | Reply
Its me!!! As my friends will attest to.
[7] lunar @ | 19-Apr-03/5:19 AM | Reply
yeah its very good. but then you are
[0] nolan @ | 3-May-03/10:25 PM | Reply
wow. you're awesome
[7] psikosis @ | 9-May-03/10:40 AM | Reply
Very good dark angel. I wonder about this line though..."and findeth he an girl to rape, as should an gentelman!" Why would a gentleman rape someone? Is there some meaning behind this line? Very good though, I like the way you used words in this, kind of old english.
[8] colndodg @ | 15-May-03/4:44 PM | Reply
I find it horribly ironic that dark angel is in the top 15 and bottom 15 all at once.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ > colndodg | 16-May-03/4:06 AM | Reply
Do you indeede, Sir? I find it horribly ironic that the doctors were able to save your face but unable to prevent your bum from being so hideously maimed, and that you still insist applying Make-up to it and going out upon the Towne, walking upon your hands, trousers pulled down just enough to expose the Bumface...
[8] colndodg @ > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 16-May-03/3:35 PM | Reply
How grown up of you... I now see why you write about AIDS in vans.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ > colndodg | 16-May-03/3:52 PM | Reply
I now see why you have vast array of racist umbilical cords billowing uselessly from your undiluted bum.
[8] colndodg @ > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 17-May-03/9:33 AM | Reply
that's adorable
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ > colndodg | 17-May-03/10:52 AM | Reply

If you actually were a mature poete with a mature life and mature friends and a mature career, your desperately casual expression of maturity might be a terrrible blow to -=Dark_Angel=-.

However, you are not. Indeede, I daresay you are a total moron.

Good day.
[8] colndodg @ > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 17-May-03/12:55 PM | Reply
Maybe you are just unwilling to except that you wrote one of the best, and the absolute worst. And your so uncomfortable with that you lash out at everyone else. Maybe you need to look deep down inside, and accept that you are both, very good, and really awful.
[6] Felzpoet @ | 18-May-03/2:51 PM | Reply
not bad to much of a dark under tone for me keep writting it suits u quite well
[0] Yardbird @ | 19-May-03/6:30 AM | Reply
[8] deleted user @ | 19-May-03/5:52 PM | Reply
Way good. And so condensly true.
[0] horus8 @ > deleted user | 19-May-03/6:00 PM | Reply
Yes, condensed, that's just the way I would describe it too.
[10] deleted user @ | 18-Jul-03/1:53 AM | Reply
Excellent poem. The parodoy of the "true gentleman" How so true that society defines what what is "genteel" behavior off the rich and obnoxious. Well done!
[10] suprembeaner @ | 13-Sep-03/4:25 AM | Reply
and i give you a 10.
as should a gentalmen.
[10] TheVoiceless @ | 13-Sep-03/4:53 PM | Reply
Nice poem it says just what you want it to say after reading a few comments. Quite well put together I saw the picture come together and give the meaning. Here's a 10.
[4] thavimatola @ | 28-Sep-03/10:14 PM | Reply
I don't think "an" was ever appropriate before a G. You are perhaps generalizing from the way "an" before "h" is archaic and fussy. It just sounds wrong here.
[10] edpeterson @ | 1-Mar-05/12:28 PM | Reply
A mountainous mass of crawling yak shit. You, sir, would not know a gentleman from a training bra. I bid you good day!
[n/a] Dovina @ > edpeterson | 2-Mar-05/10:47 AM | Reply
Does yak shit crawl? Of course not. Everyone knows that. He knows that, just as he knows the difference between a training braw and his gentleman wearing it.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ > Dovina | 3-Mar-05/1:48 PM | Reply
'Training braw' is the best thing you've ever posted.
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