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AIDS Bonanza! (Limerick) by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
By popular request, here is an extra-special bumper pack of AIDS limericks! Enjoy!!!! There once was some AIDS in a car crash. I got it as well as some whiplash. For Davey McAids Had several blades Which cut him, and made his blood splash (into my head wound). There once was some AIDS in a tent Which had quite affordable rent. But then it got bored, And defiled its landlord, A gay man called Hamish McBent. There once was some AIDS in a band. In that, I had quite a large hand. After one of their gigs, I fed them all figs That I'd grown on my AIDS-tainted land. There once was some AIDS in a granny Which leaked all the time from her fanny. It caused quite a muddle When it formed a small puddle At Jools Holland's New Year Hootenanny. There once was some AIDS in my lap. I think it was taking a nap. I fondled its beak To hold in its leak, But nothing can hold in gay crap!!!! There once was some AIDS in a sweater. I angrily wrote it a letter. I said with a frown, Dear Sir, Where's your gown? Naughty AIDS! You should know better! There once was some AIDS in a function It had vim, and start'ling rambunction! But 2 pi r squared Was more than it dared To work out, and so it had luncheon!! There once was some AIDS in a Quaker. It had lived in Dave, the gay baker, But Dave had a curse, And one day he burst, Which spread AIDS o'er many an acre. There once was some AIDS in a purse Quick doctor you'd best get a nurse! It must be embalmed Its buttocks becalmed Lest its suff'ring be made any worse! There once was some AIDS in a Consul, It was stuck on the back of his tonsil. He had a good cough And dislodged it enough To spit into Quick-Drying Ronseal. There once was some AIDS in a toaster My god! It's infecting this coaster! Destroy it at once, You bumbling dunce! Or you shall have only one Boaster! There once was some AIDS in a brain, Which threatened to send it insane. But Lord Jesu did shout To the AIDS, 'Get thee out!' And its potency started to wane! There once was some AIDS in a graph, Which caused terror in most of the staff When it suddenly pounced Out from Friday's accounts... But later we all had a laugh! There once was some AIDS in a cottage. 'Twas the price of its free, wanton frottage. Try to fry it I did, With the National Grid, But I just couldn't get enough wattage. There once was some AIDS in a cup. I confess I was tempted to sup. But Dave cried out, 'No!' And in fright I did throw The AIDS o'er his new terrier pup! There once was some AIDS in my lunch. (Just call it an AIDSketeer's hunch.) So I swapped over plates With one of my mates - How I laughed as I watched Trevor munch! There once was some AIDS in a kipper: It must have been that damn gay skipper! Him and his boyfriend Must be put to an end! That's it! Butler, bring me my slipper! There once was some AIDS in a satchel. For diseases, that bag was a catch-all. I suppose I should've known, For I had it on loan From the gay rights campaigner Peter Tatchell. There once was some AIDS in a sheath In the service of Sensible Keith Who, despite being gay, Always kept AIDS at bay When nibbling fat cocks with his teeth. There once was some AIDS in a river. Did you see Sharon Stone star in 'Sliver'? What? You want me to write 'Bout the AIDS? Well I might, But I think it's infected my liver!!!! There once was some AIDS in a cripple Who'd swapped both her legs and a nipple For some heart surgery. But the surgeon, you see, Had AIDS, and the bypass was triple! There once was some AIDS in a cage Who dropped soap one day in a rage. I'd give it a prod With my great holy rod But I dare not its buttocks engage! There once was some AIDS in a hat, Upon which a child was begat. This queer choice of bed Meant the child was born dead. What, Sir, do you think of that?! There once was some AIDS in a manger, But Jesu was never in danger: To a being like Him, Who is free from all sin, Mortal disease is a stranger! There once was some AIDS in a pickle, Whose wife had been terribly fickle. He cried and he cried, And he finally died, And was sold in a jar for a nickel. There once was some AIDS in a toy Which I gave to an orphaned young boy. You may ask, Did I cry, As I watched the boy die? I did not, Sir, I broke wind in joy! There once was some AIDS in a knave. I've mentioned him, his name was Dave. He lived out his years With his three AIDSketeers In an underground secret AIDS Cave. There once was some AIDS in my eye. At first, I thought it was a sty. But tragically, no; It continuted to grow, So now I must bid you goodbye!

Up the ladder: A Part Of Me Dies
Down the ladder: Limmerick, Starring Andy

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 1924
.. 54
.. 22
.. 11
.. 11
.. 00
.. 11
.. 11
.. 20
.. 00
.. 1511

Arithmetic Mean: 6.380435
Weighted score: 6.380435
Overall Rank: 798
Posted: September 12, 2002 7:27 AM PDT; Last modified: September 12, 2002 7:27 AM PDT
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The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:

leonxic

Comments:
[10] Limness @ 24.44.185.41 | 12-Sep-02/8:10 AM | Reply
BRAVO!!!! WELL DONE, SIR! You are indeed a champion, and prove without a doubt that the keyboard is mightier than AIDS (but not mightier than Jesu, of course.)
[0] vulcan @ 80.242.3.82 | 12-Sep-02/8:11 AM | Reply
Come on,Dark-angel!I read it for your sake and enjoyed it.reconcile?8
[9] Katie @ 169.139.16.2 | 12-Sep-02/8:34 AM | Reply
Hmm...don't you hate it when someone goes on and on about something so friverless? And it's just constant chitter chatter? Nothing really that important, it really doesn't say anything, I really hate those, So that means, I love this one! Bravo Mr. Angel, Bravo. But you like mestioned someone being gay like ever ine, LoL. What's up with that? LoL. JK =) 9/10!
[10] Tintagiles @ 142.166.125.20 > Katie | 15-Oct-02/5:29 PM | Reply
'Friverless'? What the devil does 'Friverless' mean?
[0] poetandknowit @ 65.101.213.210 | 12-Sep-02/8:45 AM | Reply
You cannot actually have a brain you are a small minded individual with no thought to people who actually are ill. Sick. YUCK! BLECH! GAG!:( This is sick and sad. You are a narrow minded prick. You say we should be praying for these sick people, you should pray for them instead of preying on them, making there illness a joke, you are seriously going to offend someone with the disease, or someone with a family member that has it. Make a joke that is funny not sick. What the hell is your problem. You are the first one to dogg someone elsa's poem, and they're actually wrighting about somthing for a cause or that means somthing to them, you are writing just to frustrate and offend people with. I dont know about everyone elsa, I can't speak for them but i want you off this website.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 81.86.113.159 > poetandknowit | 12-Sep-02/9:27 AM | Reply
VERY GOOD I NEVER SAW IT COMING
[n/a] deleted user @ 167.206.181.179 > poetandknowit | 13-Sep-02/1:09 PM | Reply
really? you take this that seriously? after all, it WAS by popular demand!
[0] poetandknowit @ 67.40.59.54 > deleted user | 16-Sep-02/1:24 PM | Reply
you are the only one that took the bait here? why?
[7] SupremeDreamer @ 130.65.109.104 > poetandknowit | 9-Feb-07/12:23 PM | Reply
Really? I think sir, that you are the one who took the bait. Because, in all honesty, the whole debacle is dependant on your volcanic outrage, which you provided wholesale, sir. Isn't it a horrid case of irony? I'd say so.

Absolutely infuriating to say the least.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 63.212.164.89 > SupremeDreamer | 10-Feb-07/9:50 AM | Reply
You chump. poetandknowit is quoting from Poetie. He even told everyone it was bait. I'm afraid you've been so badly beaked you've retracted into your own balls.
Gotcha. :)
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 63.212.164.89 > SupremeDreamer | 10-Feb-07/3:11 PM | Reply
A pathetic attempt to save face.
Or to compel you to vigorously thrash me. I've really missed you DA, my faithful private investigator.
PS- I felt erected when you called me chump.

Toodles!
[9] Katie @ 169.139.16.2 | 12-Sep-02/9:14 AM | Reply
ich denken er hat ein zeigen dort, du wissen" you proclaim you know German, so tell me what does that mean?


[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 81.86.113.159 > Katie | 12-Sep-02/9:22 AM | Reply
"I think it has a show there, you know"?
[10] beakism @ 213.122.123.75 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 12-Sep-02/9:57 AM | Reply
Unless I am mistaken, it doesn't actually mean anything, being as how 'denken' and 'wissen' are infinitives.
[9] brazen @ 12.90.41.71 | 12-Sep-02/1:05 PM | Reply
man, this makes me wish i had AIDS so i could laugh my pain away...or at least compare notes. Anywhosamabob, well thought out in your comical genuis...may the taboo never lose you.PS--has it been 23.2 years already?
[4] deleted user @ 212.137.57.41 | 13-Sep-02/9:40 AM | Reply
Cruel, crass and silly, I like it
[n/a] deleted user @ 167.206.181.179 | 13-Sep-02/1:12 PM | Reply
i, sadly, was just asking you in the chat hole about when the next slew of AIDS poems was coming. this is the AIDS-poems version of 9/11! my god, i can't imagine devoting so much time to it, but i guess someone has to to make the rest of us look sane. keep it up Gay Angel!
[n/a] ==Doylum @ 213.1.166.45 | 13-Sep-02/1:22 PM | Reply
You sir have stolen Keith and i sir demand his return, unharmed and in fine fettle. Our raids upon the heath are not yet complete, when they are you may borrow him for a while. Lunge, parry, thrust, my aids are lighting fast and produce a score.
[0] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 13-Sep-02/1:40 PM | Reply
this is the mt. rushmore of san fransisco bath house sculptors. sculpt on. 10.~
[10] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 | 13-Sep-02/1:43 PM | Reply
how does one get an invite to Jools' holiday hootenanny? can you tell me?
please? if i stand outside his window, and serenade him with your fine rhymes, will he grant me admittance?
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 217.39.148.198 > <~> | 15-Sep-02/10:22 AM | Reply
If you wish Jools Holland to see, answer me these questions three: asl!?
[10] <~> @ 24.44.185.41 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 15-Sep-02/4:33 PM | Reply
36, y, stratford-upon-housatonic.

where he at?
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 217.39.51.178 > <~> | 16-Sep-02/12:46 PM | Reply
www.joolsholland.com

(obviously)
[10] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 16-Sep-02/1:13 PM | Reply
well, duh. right there in front of me the whole time. put in a good word for me, willya? thanks babe.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 217.39.51.178 > <~> | 16-Sep-02/5:17 PM | Reply
no
[10] <~> @ 24.44.185.41 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 16-Sep-02/6:43 PM | Reply
that's why i love you, d.a.
[10] nocturnalism @ 4.41.64.75 | 19-Sep-02/1:50 AM | Reply
LMAO!!!!
keep up the good work!!
[0] poetandknowit @ 65.101.210.160 | 26-Sep-02/8:52 PM | Reply
DA did you lose your voice. I see you creeping around. And why is this rating at 7.17 and is not on the best poem list?
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 194.222.223.239 > poetandknowit | 27-Sep-02/5:14 PM | Reply
I have been wondering the same thing. I suspect that cad nentwined has something to do with it.
[n/a] Nicholas Jones @ 137.44.1.200 | 29-Sep-02/4:33 AM | Reply
If I were, I'd be too ashamed to get out of bed in the morning.
[10] New Life Drug @ 64.175.39.248 | 4-Oct-02/9:33 PM | Reply
The AIDS saga continues. encore!
[9] Tascobar @ 193.130.87.54 | 8-Oct-02/5:01 AM | Reply
Brilliant. 9. A highly enjoyable read. To the outraged commenteers: if you don't like his poems, don't read his poems. Simple.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.212.215 > Tascobar | 10-Oct-02/8:29 PM | Reply
Yes...well, there actually weren't any outraged commenteers. poetandknowit was being ironic.
[9] Tascobar @ 193.130.87.54 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 22-Oct-02/10:04 AM | Reply
Point taken, DA - but I was speaking in general terms. This site has so many Yanks on that I'm beginning to forget what irony is. Ho hum.
[2] Service @ 211.28.96.5 | 8-Oct-02/10:13 PM | Reply
strange. i didn't enjoy this much.
[8] deleted user @ 149.170.39.36 | 14-Oct-02/7:51 AM | Reply
Bloody hell! Words fail me.
[9] Amelia @ 198.146.140.56 | 15-Oct-02/8:12 AM | Reply
LOL! I come in after a brief spell and you blast me with this maggot(AIDs)infected poem. Your rhyming rocks! As much as I want to give this a zero for grave generalization on your part, I'll add a 1 before the zero.
[n/a] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 15-Oct-02/2:14 PM | Reply
congradulations. you've made it to the bestest of the bestesses list. have fun up there. the air is cleaner. unfortunately, you aren't and aint. not that it matters. i heard you were in indonesia the other day, bali wasn't it. smell your fingers. feel the guilt. sell out.
[10] razorgrin @ 192.197.141.78 | 15-Oct-02/2:22 PM | Reply
Calm down, poetandwhatever. At your age you're liable to a heart attack.
[n/a] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 > razorgrin | 15-Oct-02/2:27 PM | Reply
nice try, but guess again..i hate missouri.
[n/a] deleted user @ 65.101.212.138 > Bachus | 15-Oct-02/2:32 PM | Reply
Have you ever been? I can show you the ghetto. Bird's grave. Who is Beverly D'angelo?!
[n/a] deleted user @ 65.101.212.138 > razorgrin | 15-Oct-02/2:30 PM | Reply
Shut up and quit making yourself look like the idiot you are!
[n/a] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 15-Oct-02/2:46 PM | Reply
yeah. i don't waste words, i lived in kc and st. louis, so what..if there was anything actually happening of interest there people would migrate, yet... they're not. why cause they are all to busy moving to l.a and new york from "misery". if your such a fan...why call it that to begin with?...and beverly d. is an actress. you know national lampoons vacation? coal miners daughter? what are you on zanex and drinking malt liquor through a straw? "mellow...mellow...boo! wow man you just hate the most acid i've ever seen anyone eat in my entire life" (tommy chong, up in smoke)what the fuck are you tripping on mr. i got eight poems now on the best list...shouldn't you be doing the ms. america wave and chewing on your crown at this point in time? you have no point. and you're wasting my time. thee end.
[n/a] deleted user @ 65.101.212.138 > Bachus | 15-Oct-02/3:14 PM | Reply
I was just asking a question butt munch! And I'm sorry I do not possess your knowledge of frat boy films. And are we not going to meet in Taos and settle this once and for all. And James Ellroy migrated from LA to KC. So what do you make of that. And we have a dirty river. So there, you fuck.
[10] -=SeTTle=- @ 140.186.49.160 | 25-Oct-02/10:57 PM | Reply
Either you are brilliant or your school requires you to take a lot of courses you can goof off in. "(Just call it an AIDSketeer's hunch.)" was especially good.
[10] -=SeTTle=- @ 140.186.49.160 | 25-Oct-02/11:02 PM | Reply
So wait - all you have to do to make the worst poem the best poem is make it a great deal longer??? Also - the phrase "fine rhymes" could become a very funny line somewhere (these fine wines/Jean Charles, you fool, don't you spill a precious drop/Jean Charles, you klutz that is the poisoned crouton/Jean Charles, you idiot, fetch the mop before His Highness awakens from his Royal nap)
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.212.215 > -=SeTTle=- | 26-Oct-02/6:17 AM | Reply
I know. By my calculations, this poeme should have had all the crude, offensive pow'r of 'AIDS in a van' and 'AIDS in a Glass', but someone must have reversed the polarity or something. Fucking Jews.
[9] brazen @ 65.237.114.141 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 22-Dec-02/11:08 PM | Reply
with all that could be said on the side of the tracks where immorality and disgust reside, the only person "cool enough" to hang out with AIDS is a Jew. this comment in itself was as funny a finish as the poem which it rode in on.
[0] deleted user @ 172.180.38.92 | 26-Nov-02/3:04 PM | Reply
do oyu even understand what Aquired Immuno Diffcientcy Syndrome is? or are just an ignorant red neck?
[6] Ranger @ 212.219.142.161 | 11-Dec-02/1:59 AM | Reply
It's spelled: 'Acquired Immuno-Deficiency Syndrome'. Sorry.
A reasonably funny set of poems, D.A., but it was a bit too long, therefore it can't have a ten, but it was too funny to warrant a zero. Let's see if we can find a value inbetween?
[6] Ranger @ 212.219.142.161 | 11-Dec-02/2:00 AM | Reply
Oh, and the title is good.
[10] Robert K Foster @ 209.68.98.120 | 15-Jan-03/9:43 AM | Reply
tremendously brave and reverent (sorry)...downright boy scouty, i must say!
[10] deleted user @ 64.213.169.118 | 16-Jan-03/10:00 PM | Reply
Distasteful, yet very interesting. I like how you constantly manage to narrowly escape infection until the end. And the pickle part, too.
[8] deleted user @ 212.219.142.161 | 20-Jan-03/3:30 AM | Reply
Deserves an 8 just for the Jools Holland reference
[10] beakism @ 81.86.208.92 | 6-Jun-03/5:31 AM | Reply
I think, having conquered the realm of AIDS limericks, you should move on to more challenging ground, such as AIDS triolets. I've written one to start you off:

I recently contracted a virus called AIDS
from having gay sex with a homo.
Now I'll have to give up butt raids:
I recently contracted a virus called AIDS.
It all started out as a game of charades
And now I can't have bum sex no mo.
I recently contracted a virus called AIDS
from having gay sex with a homo.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.212.215 > beakism | 6-Jun-03/6:19 AM | Reply
Great idea!!

The doctor says I might have AIDS;
My buttocks are quite swollen.
And now I'm lying, bumcheeks splayed,
While he inspects my groin for AIDS
With latex gloves and scalpel blades
And agitates my colon.
The doctor says I might have AIDS.;
My buttocks are quite swollen.
[10] baphomet @ 24.126.113.154 | 13-Sep-03/10:03 PM | Reply
you are the geatest.

10.
[n/a] deleted user @ 24.222.81.233 | 19-Sep-03/5:21 PM | Reply
I don't think you had to write more than one. Or none.
[0] thavimatola @ 209.94.133.143 | 28-Sep-03/10:17 PM | Reply
Blech.
[0] Edna Sweetlove @ 81.178.117.218 | 15-May-06/5:05 PM | Reply
dreadfully unamusing. puerile. sad. not even sick.
[0] Sing4Jesus! @ 87.80.134.60 | 23-Aug-06/9:50 AM | Reply
Jesus does a TURD on you!
[10] Dr Peter Douglas @ 80.225.168.241 | 8-Feb-07/2:45 PM | Reply
Wow Dark so many and excellent!
A meagre ten does not do justice but i offer it anyway.
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