AIDS Bonanza! (Limerick) by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
By popular request, here is an extra-special bumper pack of AIDS
There once was some AIDS in a car crash.
I got it as well as some whiplash.
For Davey McAids
Had several blades
Which cut him, and made his blood splash (into my head wound).
There once was some AIDS in a tent
Which had quite affordable rent.
But then it got bored,
And defiled its landlord,
A gay man called Hamish McBent.
There once was some AIDS in a band.
In that, I had quite a large hand.
After one of their gigs,
I fed them all figs
That I'd grown on my AIDS-tainted land.
There once was some AIDS in a granny
Which leaked all the time from her fanny.
It caused quite a muddle
When it formed a small puddle
At Jools Holland's New Year Hootenanny.
There once was some AIDS in my lap.
I think it was taking a nap.
I fondled its beak
To hold in its leak,
But nothing can hold in gay crap!!!!
There once was some AIDS in a sweater.
I angrily wrote it a letter.
I said with a frown,
Dear Sir, Where's your gown?
Naughty AIDS! You should know better!
There once was some AIDS in a function
It had vim, and start'ling rambunction!
But 2 pi r squared
Was more than it dared
To work out, and so it had luncheon!!
There once was some AIDS in a Quaker.
It had lived in Dave, the gay baker,
But Dave had a curse,
And one day he burst,
Which spread AIDS o'er many an acre.
There once was some AIDS in a purse
Quick doctor you'd best get a nurse!
It must be embalmed
Its buttocks becalmed
Lest its suff'ring be made any worse!
There once was some AIDS in a Consul,
It was stuck on the back of his tonsil.
He had a good cough
And dislodged it enough
To spit into Quick-Drying Ronseal.
There once was some AIDS in a toaster
My god! It's infecting this coaster!
Destroy it at once,
You bumbling dunce!
Or you shall have only one Boaster!
There once was some AIDS in a brain,
Which threatened to send it insane.
But Lord Jesu did shout
To the AIDS, 'Get thee out!'
And its potency started to wane!
There once was some AIDS in a graph,
Which caused terror in most of the staff
When it suddenly pounced
Out from Friday's accounts...
But later we all had a laugh!
There once was some AIDS in a cottage.
'Twas the price of its free, wanton frottage.
Try to fry it I did,
With the National Grid,
But I just couldn't get enough wattage.
There once was some AIDS in a cup.
I confess I was tempted to sup.
But Dave cried out, 'No!'
And in fright I did throw
The AIDS o'er his new terrier pup!
There once was some AIDS in my lunch.
(Just call it an AIDSketeer's hunch.)
So I swapped over plates
With one of my mates -
How I laughed as I watched Trevor munch!
There once was some AIDS in a kipper:
It must have been that damn gay skipper!
Him and his boyfriend
Must be put to an end!
That's it! Butler, bring me my slipper!
There once was some AIDS in a satchel.
For diseases, that bag was a catch-all.
I suppose I should've known,
For I had it on loan
From the gay rights campaigner Peter Tatchell.
There once was some AIDS in a sheath
In the service of Sensible Keith
Who, despite being gay,
Always kept AIDS at bay
When nibbling fat cocks with his teeth.
There once was some AIDS in a river.
Did you see Sharon Stone star in 'Sliver'?
What? You want me to write
'Bout the AIDS? Well I might,
But I think it's infected my liver!!!!
There once was some AIDS in a cripple
Who'd swapped both her legs and a nipple
For some heart surgery.
But the surgeon, you see,
Had AIDS, and the bypass was triple!
There once was some AIDS in a cage
Who dropped soap one day in a rage.
I'd give it a prod
With my great holy rod
But I dare not its buttocks engage!
There once was some AIDS in a hat,
Upon which a child was begat.
This queer choice of bed
Meant the child was born dead.
What, Sir, do you think of that?!
There once was some AIDS in a manger,
But Jesu was never in danger:
To a being like Him,
Who is free from all sin,
Mortal disease is a stranger!
There once was some AIDS in a pickle,
Whose wife had been terribly fickle.
He cried and he cried,
And he finally died,
And was sold in a jar for a nickel.
There once was some AIDS in a toy
Which I gave to an orphaned young boy.
You may ask, Did I cry,
As I watched the boy die?
I did not, Sir, I broke wind in joy!
There once was some AIDS in a knave.
I've mentioned him, his name was Dave.
He lived out his years
With his three AIDSketeers
In an underground secret AIDS Cave.
There once was some AIDS in my eye.
At first, I thought it was a sty.
But tragically, no;
It continuted to grow,
So now I must bid you goodbye!
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.380435
Posted: September 12, 2002 7:27 AM PDT; Last modified: September 12, 2002 7:27 AM PDT
Weighted score: 6.380435
Overall Rank: 798
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