cheese.doodles
on I smell coffee by Princess_Snowflake
14 Mar 2007, 3:01 PM
grating due to repetition and grammatically incorrect.
Good Lord, this is angsty. Sounds like lyrics for an emo band.
Your irritating rhyme scheme makes this nearly unreadable.
still a zero
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
14 Mar 2007, 6:50 PM
blurry
Change the first line of stanza 12 to "Ne'er leave me, Jesu"
Jess is a woman (can have children) apparently by Andrea, a man. Then Andrea will soon be a mom. Nice. At least the lines are 5-7-5.
<{Baba^Yaga}>
on The Greek Philosopher Poem; cutting wrists in the bathtub by cheese.doodles
14 Mar 2007, 3:52 PM
your title is ass, but the poem was nice.
Wow, you almost sound american.
I mean, if an english puff was american.
Summing up all Americans in general
certainly doesn't provide you with
a comedy gun, this poem was Fdung.
Yes, that's right, I said "Fdung".
"Jew green hill"
That was my favorite line.
Hungary certainly is teeing
up to be a lovely... Situation.
I suppose even the Jews occasionally
have a hard time hiding their obvious
hatred of everyone but themselves.
There once was a blob named Dovina,
Christ, you'd have wept had you seen her,
All of that weight,
Squeeze into four feet and eight,
She had the combined mass of Bosnia and Herzegovina.
WAFFLE!
very crude.
The rhyme scheme is a-a-b-b-a. This doesn't fit form, it's a-a-b-b-b. Yeah, and it's not very good.
This is so stupid.
No wonder you're lonely, your poetry is ass.
You wrote a beautiful song? I'm shocked! Are you capable of such things?
This could probably be condensed into something vaguely interesting; as it is it's a little long.