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Pedaling West (Free verse) by Dovina
I have learned, through much experience, how to ride a bicycle. And although I ride expertly, folks turn with skeptic grins. They say that I exaggerate, delude myself and wish, when I calmly claim that bike and I have thirty thousand miles. But they don’t know the twisted hill, where halfway up three thousand feet, I settle in a calm and happy pant, churning in assurance that this one thing I ace. This summer I shall ride, if all goes well, from coast to coast on country roads, four thousand miles across and twenty up and down, camping if required, indulging as the route allows. If it were for future glory or respect or fame, I’d fear the ones who lurk— the rattlesnake, the rapist, the drunken coal-truck driver on a thin Kentucky turn. But having lived and died already, there remains the easy life— pedals pushed, miles behind, unknowns along the way.

Up the ladder: Win, Win, Lose, Lose
Down the ladder: Thoughts

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Weighted score: 5.2689414
Overall Rank: 3856
Posted: March 12, 2007 8:13 PM PDT; Last modified: March 12, 2007 8:13 PM PDT
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Comments:
[9] Bethy @ 165.154.46.93 | 13-Mar-07/9:50 AM | Reply
May God grant you with "Buns of Steel" my dear friend...good poem :) Bethy
[n/a] Dovina @ 75.82.86.162 > Bethy | 13-Mar-07/10:49 AM | Reply
Please don't pray for that. My God, do you suppose his manhood will be threatened?
[7] Ranger @ 81.103.124.179 | 13-Mar-07/1:19 PM | Reply
This is more like a diary entry in verses. I don't think there's anything wrong with that per se, but it needs to be delivered in either an interesting or easyflowing manner - I hate to say this but rhymes would do the trick here. It feels like you've gone for straight iambic meter but I think it needs more than that. Either that or some truly staggering imagery throughout.
[n/a] Dovina @ 75.82.86.162 > Ranger | 13-Mar-07/1:22 PM | Reply
You're not staggered? Okay, neither am I. It's a proposal then, a document to abide by, a declaration to be slammed with if I reneg. I'll work on it.
[7] Ranger @ 81.103.124.179 > Dovina | 13-Mar-07/1:29 PM | Reply
It feels like you're trying for something light and kind of cutesy - I think it needs the meter to skip quickly rather than just trundle along. That's the fun of cycling; blitzing it along a canal towpath chasing kingfishers, not just moseying from one pub to the next.
[n/a] Dovina @ 75.82.86.162 > Ranger | 13-Mar-07/1:35 PM | Reply
The trouble is that it's not fanciful. This trip begins on May2 and goes pedaling along, rather un-cutely for 120 days if I survive. I've blitzed along the towpath of the Erie Canal in New York, but this is much longer, slower, more mountainous, and demanding of a firm mindset. I wish it were not.
[7] Ranger @ 81.103.124.179 > Dovina | 13-Mar-07/1:44 PM | Reply
Even so, if you're cycling then you're going to be using a repetitive motion - the pedalling - and I really think the poem would be more effective if you brought that through. The metric structure should do the same job as the chain and gears of your bike - it doesn't have that impact on me at present.

120 days? That's insane, I hope you're getting paid for it (or at the least, getting free chiropodist service afterwards.) Bet you don't see a kingfisher.
[n/a] Dovina @ 75.82.86.162 > Ranger | 13-Mar-07/1:47 PM | Reply
Good suggestion. The mindset of cycling is, well, cyclic; the poem should be so too.
[10] Quarton @ 12.206.226.220 | 13-Mar-07/1:22 PM | Reply
Good poem. It has a nice flow and the "ride" is one of life itself expressed through riding your bike. I really do like this and the message it contains.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 63.212.164.106 | 13-Mar-07/6:17 PM | Reply
Poetry is no excuse for pedaling like a muppet. No wonder people point and stare. The first two lines suggest it took you some time to master the bicycle. That is a sign from God that you were not intended for outdoor pursuits, but should remain indoors where others cannot see you. To persist in activities for which you possess no talent is blasphemous, and is the second reason why feminism is a sin. The first is Jane Fonda.
[n/a] Dovina @ 75.82.86.162 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 14-Mar-07/12:41 PM | Reply
But pedaling like a muppet is an excuse for poetry, as a brain drained of blood to service pushing legs puts out its best verse.

I took off the training wheels after ten thousand miles and am practicing on the lower bars after thirty thousand. It has been a blasphemous ordeal, and one that’s brought a great deal of shame, but after this cross-country ride, I hope to have the experience needed to take on the Santa Monica Bike Trail.
[10] Stephen Robins @ 213.146.148.199 | 15-Mar-07/1:50 AM | Reply
There once was a blob named Dovina,
Christ, you'd have wept had you seen her,
All of that weight,
Squeeze into four feet and eight,
She had the combined mass of Bosnia and Herzegovina.
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