some deleted user
on Creep into my heart by mozac
29 Jan 2004, 9:55 AM
i think this poem is pretty....
dead good.
matthew & James do you remeber a chap called david wilson from High Wycombe? I know him and he has just dumped my friend I want to spank the living Greg Dyke out of him.
Dieser hier ist kein Ãbermensch, sondern ein Ãberkitsch.
i can imagine everything as i read it...
Dear god... You might consider changing your title to "8 Commas, a Dash, an Exclamation Mark, and 839 Words of Meaningless Rambling Drivel, Topped By a Pretentious Use of 'Hath'." Do you do this all the time?!? My favorite part is "a true vision of knowing found looking deep within to find the surface hiding your real nature" which is, after all, as good an instance as any of something being found by finding.
Ah, the famous 'street'/'speak' half-rhyme, finished up with the stalwart 'home' and 'alone'! Go on, now, and tell yourself (and us) that we can't write half this well. We don't mind.
My most sophisticated rythm yet.
LOLTTM!!!!!!11111111111
I love the last one best of all.
Have you listened to the Wesley Willis CD yet?
i could imagine everything as i read it
i really like it...
alright. i like: hunched black bird,the pole, fragile egg body, gingerly, the jarring last line.
i dislike: beginning a line with the word "but," steel cubes (a poor metaphor) and i think thats about it.
interesting but ultimately could be much better if you just wrote it all together like a flow and din't worry about. i might be wrong but this sounds like it was written at different times...there are these intervals..
this poem really benefits from the introduction. To me the superstition, almost delusion contrasts really well with the sadness.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
29 Jan 2004, 8:40 AM
I belive who ever gave you a 0 should get their ass kicked...I really enjoyed this one.
Not up to your usual. But good none-the-less.
i think you should become a proffesional...i've been reading these to a friend of mine and she's fallen in love with them...she said they are some of the most well written she's seen yet on poemranker...i'll have to agree.
not sure the couplets work for this poem, especially when they break between verse two and three.
i know that many people call this a "Teen Angst" poem or what not...i think it is good...i belive that poetry is poetry, and people shouldnt say what you should be writting or what you shouldnt...this is just my opinion but i find poems to be what ever the hell your feeling, a lot of people can relate or not to those feelings so i think you should keep pouring your heart out no matter what people say...it's YOUR poem...
NOT theirs!
How delightfully topical!
excellent