Much more of an Ode.

Rather Blah! Forgive yourself.

Once again there are problems. I'd be happy for suggestions, even the suggestion to toss it.

Sob!

<We been drawn>? Is this how you intended it? Shades of Carl Sandburg. Nice! 9

i really liked this, but felt like it was only an opening to a much longer piece i was definitely left wanting more, and not in a good way still, very nicely worded

well...I'm the kind of person who embarasses himself cracking up laughing at funerals and other sombre occasions, but still I think you go a little too over the top to keep a completely straight face. Particularly egregious for me was "bury us yonder." Which is too bad, because it could be moody and broody and nicely dark, which is what I think you intended. can you rhyme Losserand with stands? I'm a bad Canadian and have next to no French, but I think the a is long as in father?

A lot of words. A lot more than you needed.

Moron is not the right word. Around here they pronounce it with two syllables - which is astonishing, considering they pronounce everything else with as few as possible. Maybe 'dupe' would work?

The two unders in the first stanza is daring. I don't know whether to call you on it. (And so far, this is a carbon copy of my planned next post, which will now in the spirit of difference be a jaunty silly ballad of Hero and Glorianne.) Also in st.1 the German motor gets by, but the BMW in the next sentence stops me cold. You can't reintroduce the car like that. In st.2 I feel like 'by the path' is a little weird. I know what you're saying, but 'On the path' sounds better to me. Don't ask why. And 'The black night of the sky' is just wrong. Those things aside, I liked it. Evocations of sleeplessness on really late nights just tickle my spleen.

8 for getting better. Also 8 for not being your best.

Not fond of comments Huh. This is still not up to your usual standards.

As far as I'm concerned it improves with each repost. I'm sorry I called it a pimple. Much of this really appeals to me - but if I write more, I'm afraid I'll push CLS/Lydia evelyn's darling comments off the page. Mayhap later.

Great one here, although i'm still trying to figure out what it means. I am having a good picture though.

This is an intriguing idea, and I like the kick-in-the-pants last line. is line 2 the way you intended it? It seems to be missing a word. A little nitpick: since you seem to be going for terse, tight & pithy, why not get rid of the unnecessary the at the start of S.2L.2. and "to" in S.3L.3?

At first this seemed substantially more interesting than your usual fare, but I was disappointed never to learn what your crime was. But there is no actual depiction of a crime to warrant the dismay of the introduction, instead it degenerates into generic bitching and moaning. I'm very disappointed, I was all eager to give you a good vote for a change.

Ms. Swift. Why write the same pome over and over again? What is the pointe? Fuck, I mean point. Goddamn Dark Angel and his spurious e's.

Great Tennyson. I'm reading Tennyson right now, and you do him very well. Do you know Ms Parker's great 'Penelope'? Also - I wish you would read my last post, as I was trying to do some Tennyson myself and would like to see what you think.

i dunno, should you?

Great one here...reminds me of the struggle in the early days when women are trying to find their voices and be heard and be given the chance to depend not only themselve but the world as well.