wilco
on In My Minds Eye by daveslady
3 Mar 2004, 3:12 PM
Very emotional....and for that....a 10
-|(N->N)|-
A little jerky.
Just an opinion.
Almost made me cry
I'm afraid the idea of needing no Sunday clothes is plagiarised from my poeme 'Child of my Buttocks' (http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.
re "beatutiful cemetary" - if this were intentional, it would be beyond genius.
leaves you hang(no real end)
???????? help i need sombody help ???? hummm maybe next time use the revise button, just a suggestion
nice poem, keep writing cause this is great
ok totally lost with that one
helps spark my appitite, but still leaves me hungry! like chinese food: fills you up for 15 minuets then bam your starving
nail on the head....lost my mom at 15
liked it, made me smile
Hey you have a band? That's cool. I'm in a band called The Brotherhood of the Righteous and Harmonious Fist (note: this is not made up.) Maybe if we come to New York we can play a show with you. One of our most popular songs goes like this:
I was thinking of quitting this scene about the time when the cops rolled up.
They said, we'd like to get your samples - and they handed out everybody dixie cups.
One of them stood in the back and I thought that I recognized the guy -
I said, hey man, you remember the time when I stuck that sharp stick in your eye?
...
Then I was driving about 90 on 40 heading out of Wake county,
When a bluelight flashed and I was stopped by a couple of mounties.
They said, give us your license and anything else you have to barter;
And I said, man you're just mad cause back in high-school I used to fuck your daughter!
<chorus>
Something about all these flourescent lights in here just makes me CRAAZYYYY!!!!
<and so on. People go crazy over it.>
I guess it looks kind of like shit on paper, though. But then, I think most songs look like shit on paper. In fact, I think people who think songs are poetry are mostly near-illiterates who have probably never read real poetry, or they'd see what a gigantic difference there is between even the best song and a decently-written poem. Do you think that's because I tend to avoid music that can be described with the terms 'jangling', 'folk-influenced', 'soulful', 'Paul Simon', or 'utter moaning crap'? I'd be really interested in hearing your answer.
PS - I think this song is a giant improvement over your 'Pretending (All it Takes)'. Bravo.
don't mean to come off as very critical but do you know what an apostrophe is? youre, ill, etc...they all have apostrophes. also, "alwayz" is spelt with an 's' somewhere in there.
"when i need 2 be alone" to
the content is there, but maybe try and fix some grammatical errors, because this is just like reading an AIM conversation, without the reader's response.
-8- because the poem, though unoriginal (horus8 will tell you that i have no right to say that), is still well put together and communicated
I enjoyed the illustration
Very touching 10
you are confused
I had to fix that first stanza - it was driving me nuts.