some deleted user
on some deleted poem
4 Mar 2004, 1:02 AM
Ace
Hi fuzzylogic! Welcome to the site!!1
Great name! Are you a fan of the work of Susan Haaaack?
Well, the first two lines of the third verse are a compltete rip off of John Lennon. however as the general theme of this poem is that you are such a happy go lucky chap you won't be to offended when I state: This poem is male ejaculent on the side of a lesbians face ergo ipso facto not needed on this site.
Excellent! I agree, people always seem to want you to change, or to criticise you for being who you are. Sometimes I just feel like standing up and shouting, "CAN'T YOU SEE I WILL ALWAYS JUST BE ME?"
lol :-)
-10-
You chose eddie for a subconcious reason. I saw a baby in the womb when I read this. (An) eddie being a swirling pool of water makes for an ideal name in this piece. Very good.
This is excellent - kudos to you. But, I like it as it is - all those semi-colons are annoying and take away from the simple beauty and soft voice of the poem.
This poem is good except for the overuse of 'as' sentence structures (because any use is overuse, since they are the most common sentence structures in web-published stuff,) and the phrase "transmissions of the news", which sounds really odd to my American ears. Also, have you thought of putting it in the past tense? I'm not bothered by the present, but I've been flipping through Poet's Market recently and seeing a lot of publishers' comments like 'Consider not submitting poems in the present tense' and so forth. Again, that's not such a serious criticism on my part, just a suggestion.
Great, as ever - though a little obviously a haiku (to me; maybe no one else will notice.) How important is it for you to stick to haiku form? Also, you're missing a semicolon (!) or period after lowlands.
"But the rages and disciplines are
Fresh masterpieces in vivid oils running down
Still wet upon the canvas of my memory."
...so hauntingly poignant. It reminds me very much of my childhood adventures at Browne Acres School For Boys, in which my stool-based oil paintings were met, even among the most mild mannered of my peers, with unprovoked acts of appalling violence.
This has to be a joke.
nice kid
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
4 Mar 2004, 6:59 PM
'Haps my glasses are the source of my problems.
Postings like this make me want to give up. I have absolutely nothing critical to say about this, and it wouldn't be coherent if I did. Fine work. Good night.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
4 Mar 2004, 8:12 PM
Is garci your maiden name?
damn!
made me sob. great way to capture the pain of a beautiful memory.
fuzzy logic: a superset of conventional (boolean)logic that has been inabled to handel the concept of partial truth! not 100% true but not 100% false, but i would rather you pick on my writing than my name
I can pick up what your layin down.....in other words....I understand although I can't truly ever understand.
its a wonder how you could so correctly write out the first thoughts of a woman when she finds out that she is with child. great
no words to describe how I feel. Thanks for sharing