some deleted user
on leavetaking by daniella
23 May 2004, 8:31 AM
...silver yeas? (years?)
graceful, nostalgic
When you're "screaming in silence" is your mouth actually producing some kind of, I don't know, anti-sound that is inaudible to everyone, or are you just screaming out loud somewhere really far away from other people?
If your answer is the first one, how do you know the sound you're not producing is a scream? What if it's more like, say, a moan - or a pleasant sustained middle A sharp?
Or what if you're just holding your mouth really wide and slowly exhaling while people passing on the street wonder what the heck you're doing?
Some of these clauses, especially in the third stanza, seem poorly grouped. The last is weird, too. "they" is really poorly defined, and the string of grotesquely conjoined similes and subordinate clauses that make up the rest of that sentence don't help.
New form proposal: The Poemranker.
Halfway through it decides to rhyme, forgets, then decides to again.
Most of the lines of this poem should be printed in white courier on black t-shirts. You could sell them at the mall.
PS-Why do all of your poems end with a long underscore?
The poems in the most recent New Yorker are worse than at least half the poems posted here. If that's the real world, we should all be kings.
You going to send be that Mp3?
You know, The Werewolves and I do
a really bitchin' version of the
Crutchling electrified now 'tis very cool.
The Mp3's not going to blow off my face
is it?
A donut lying next to a maple bar on a plate next to linen-wrapped silverware after a weight watcher meeting when you find out you've gained__ lbs.
by far the best poem i have read on this site. -0-
Ya I know that it's lame.
what? no title?
I dun think you can falsly die, eh?
*shrugs* ... Nothing special... just the same cliche love poem like everyone else writes about in similar words and phrases to the point of being whenthe next time you write a love poem, it'll be considered plagarism...
Nice form. Well executed. Content eludes me. Maybe that's a good thing. I rarely like a poem at first 10 reads. Maybe by line 10-1 I'll get it.
Secada (Cheeza Weeza) by Horus8
Bumm! Bumm, Secada! bow'ls along the ground!
And grumble as your gasses multiply.
Chaps! Chaps! Secada! Shake your genital Herpe (and be glad you don't have AIDS)
With chings that flirr for noise and not too gay!
Shrill Jesu might hear! You've only days away
Till you hump your own buttocks and wait again to gay!
Seventeen days, babbooned in babboonery you parfait,
And ripen where the scud-sunk hippies wade,
Till reveling in the nudity of the Gay....
Now two ply, Secada! Two ply with wings like spades
That rust to nigger up in KKK's unholy glowworm,
And bumms like tarnished bummeries whose glory hemhoroid in the foyer.
Now confess, Secada! To the one that got away.
To the real Lord of Gaye.
Magnificent....
Katrina
on Barometric pressure & true love (The prince of storms) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
23 May 2004, 7:54 PM
Amazing....
Aww...that was really an amazing piece of work.
Until he discerns what itâs like to become a "woman"
In such a deranged way
Lose that, and EVER AGAIN!
Read it without them, your words strike a broader range, and still say exactly what you wanted them to. Perhaps another forceful ending would be better, but that really depends on your personal taste.
A master piece to be hung with next to a cheap reprint altered in photo shop of that one painting... by that guy... but anyway, genius. I love it. It gave me the shniggles.
Hey, thanks, Fire_is_cool! It really makes the experience a lot better for us if you just acknowledge upfront that your poem is sappy, cliche, and terminally damp. -zodiac
PS- Perhaps you've seen these gems?
"I Love You, Okay?" by lydia evelyn, http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
wow thats intense... do you write songs too? you should definately post some more
blessed with a 10!