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Don't Say You Understand (Free verse) by cuddlytiger17
I can’t believe he has the nerve to voice, His "understanding" Because so many people have related to him The veracity of such an experience. And as he speaks these words, I begin to lose control Because he could NEVER understand What he hasn’t been through. Until he can say that he awakens at night, Crying and screaming of the past Until he can declare he was jaded so severely That he was consumed by trepidation Until he can recall a day in which The entirety of his faith and understanding Collapsed before him, more stolen than lost Until he can proclaim that he gained an enemy, Lost a love, and destroyed himself All in the same day Until he knows what it feels like To declare the word "No" And realize that this so-called "savior" Is nothing but two meaningless letters Whispered over and over... Heard but disregarded in a fit of self-indulgence Until he can delineate what it’s like To grieve so desperately it all goes black, Waking up to find it’s over But that the memories will not pass. Then portraying a false facade Pretending it was all a nightmare Because reality was too much to bare. Until he discerns what it’s like to become a "woman" In such a deranged way, Until he can confirm all of this and so much more, I don’t want to hear the words, "I understand," EVER AGAIN!

Down the ladder: Transposed

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.75
Weighted score: 5.7395887
Overall Rank: 1828
Posted: May 21, 2004 2:59 PM PDT; Last modified: May 21, 2004 2:59 PM PDT
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thepinkbunnyofdoom

Comments:
[9] wilco @ 24.176.102.131 | 21-May-04/5:55 PM | Reply
This is MUCH better. Is this a new one that you wrote?
[n/a] cuddlytiger17 @ 64.80.244.188 > wilco | 21-May-04/6:56 PM | Reply
Yes, i wrote it last night. Thank you! :)
[9] wilco @ 24.176.102.131 > cuddlytiger17 | 21-May-04/7:02 PM | Reply
well, good job.
[9] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 216.196.144.170 | 21-May-04/11:02 PM | Reply
There is so much more that could have been displayed here. It seems you focus your words like a bullet, but you limit the meaning by using a weak hand gun.

he gained an enemy,
Lost a love, and destroyed himself
All in the same day


Oh yeah, I do understand. Those lines are beautiful. I have. March 7th 2004. -9-
[n/a] cuddlytiger17 @ 64.80.244.60 > thepinkbunnyofdoom | 22-May-04/5:13 PM | Reply
Do you have any suggestions then on what else i could have included? Thanks for the compliment!
[n/a] deleted user @ 24.222.81.233 | 22-May-04/1:42 PM | Reply
A charming variation on Our Favorite Midget.
[9] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 216.196.148.166 | 23-May-04/9:20 PM | Reply
Until he discerns what it’s like to become a "woman"
In such a deranged way

Lose that, and EVER AGAIN!

Read it without them, your words strike a broader range, and still say exactly what you wanted them to. Perhaps another forceful ending would be better, but that really depends on your personal taste.
[10] sliver @ 63.190.65.81 | 2-Jun-04/8:55 PM | Reply
I don't understand ;)
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