Re: a comment on Going Blind by Sasha	31-Oct-04/12:18 PM
Because it is tetrameter as opposed to the rough pentameter of the rest. I shortened it for the effect.
Re: a comment on Call upon the wrath of god on ye by Imago	31-Oct-04/8:37 AM
Are you a) new to english b) attempting to sound smarter than you are or c) all of the above. You can't have reduplicated prepositions in english that split the object
Re: This path by midnitebeauty101	31-Oct-04/7:33 AM
I like this better, a lot better if only because you've actually tried. You are still struggling with the form. I tried shaping it up a little. It's a bit better this way I think: This path I travel down is worn old leaves are crunched beneath my feet A newer me would be reborn. My walk began. I was forlorn In feeling I was lost and beat. The path I traveled down was worn In the late nights I'd look out and mourn- Look out my window; down my street A newer me will be reborn. My heart gets tugged until it's torn Whose tearing makes me incomplete This path I travel down is worn. The night departs, its promise sworn And I arise for day is fleet. A newer me will be reborn With the new day whose newer morn Readies me for a newer feat. For this path I travel down is worn. A newer me must be reborn.
Re: Social Awarness by midnitebeauty101	31-Oct-04/7:21 AM
This is the sort of thing you should have left on that sheet of lined paper and never bothered to type. It's quite bad, really. I'm sorry for your loss but it does not make for good poetry or moving reading. This is the very worst thing you could do for the memory of the dead. You are unwittingly generalizing one more dead person and lumping them in with the rest who have had so many bad poems elegizing their deaths. This poem, while it may be meaningful to you, is meaningless and laughable to the rest of us. If you can believe it, so many kiddies ask me to read poetry just like this expecting me to praise it. I do exactly what I'm doing now. I tell them this kind of poetry, as common as kleenex and as disposable, is exactly why "young creative writers" classes are a bad idea. If you really want to do justice to the memory of the dead, focus on what made your friend unique in life, instead of what made your friend another badly rhymed "poem" among the rest of the prematurely dead.
Re: Fascists by Imago	31-Oct-04/7:06 AM
Since Fascists write poetry that rhymes, are you a fascist too, since you do just that. Or are you not, since this dribble isn't really poetry anyway. Wait till you're at least 20 dude.
Re: Call upon the wrath of god on ye by Imago	31-Oct-04/7:02 AM
I most strongly disagree with all of you. "Call upon the wrath of god on ye" Is an excellent bit of mockery of those who have no idea how to sound archaic but try to anyway. "scurge" is a nicely subtle way of shortening the line to the author's specifications in the manner of the great Robert Duncan. The pun on "may be" in the fourth to last line is an example of supreme wit matched only by the uncapitalized god, a most original way of indicating the author's displeasure with religion. In short, there are few poems better crafted than this. Thus this poem most certainly merits a score of..... HAHAH Gotcha there. Just kidding. "Call upon the wrath of god on ye" just sounds like an illiterate wanker trying to sound biblical "scurge" should be scourge "it maybe" should be "it may be" Now, since you posted a "correction" I would assume that you would at least fix those utterly guffy fuckups if not delete the whole dribbling amorphous, artless and musicless pseudopoem. However, since you did not, I can only assume that your edit was to get your poem up to the top of the list again and erase the 7 and the 8 you'd gotten (which were really generous) Before you wonder about it, yes I really do mean it. Please, try again. On second thought, don't! -10 of shame-
Re: a comment on To Leave a Trace by Dovina	19-Oct-04/5:25 PM
No, no. It's wrong, but it's bland too.
Re: a comment on Cold Afternoon. by Sasha	30-Sep-04/1:50 PM
having taken a look at your œvre, which at the moment consists of two posts, both of which have a rating below 5.0, I can't say the same for you.
Re: a comment on Cold Afternoon. by Sasha	30-Sep-04/1:48 PM
They can. C.F. Shakespeare (sonnet 18, lines 13-14) "SO long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this gives grace to thee." Wilfred Owen, Anthom for Doomed youth (lines 13-14) "Their flowers the tenderness of patient minds, and each slow dusk a drawing-down of blinds." Or the last lines from a sonnet by Ronsard, Les amours de Marie, XIX: "Ça! Ça! que je baise et votre beau tétin Cent fois pour vois apprendre à vous lever matin." In short, even though your word is law and god where poetic forms are concerned, and even though you are exceedingly well informed on the topic and I clearly don't know anything at all about it, the last 2 lines can, and frequently do rhyme in a sonnet.
Re: Dance Of Insanity by forsaken	29-Sep-04/4:49 PM
you mistyped "apart" unless you mean you ripped him to pieces, and then pulled him a part of the body you had just ripped as a going away present.
Re: a comment on Childhood memory by Sasha	27-Sep-04/1:50 PM
Long rhymes with "strong" in the next stanza.
Re: why there are no virgins by daggatolar	25-Sep-04/10:49 AM
-7- For shock
Re: Screws by helenwales	22-Sep-04/3:34 PM
Helo, here's another welsh poet! Helo, dyma bardd arall cymreig!
Re: a comment on I Win. by LintyWeenis	19-Sep-04/3:08 PM
I can't stand anonymous votes either. But if you can't, then kindly stop peppering my poems with anonymous "1"s like urine in snow. The IPs of the anonymous voters on this poem tell me you lie.
Re: Parting at Morning by Sasha	19-Sep-04/10:32 AM
Thank you, dear eponymous LittleWeenis for the anonymous vote and the user vote that so clearly show my inadequacies that I was unable to see before. I know you are unable to do something of that nature simply out of anger and therefore I humbly bow to you and your bow'ls for all the good low votes you give me. Thank you LittleWeenis, for showing me the error of my ways, you have touched my heart to song.
Re: Band Ten Hut by LintyWeenis	19-Sep-04/10:24 AM
Wow. Your own self opinion was almost as accurate as the anatomically fitting username you've picked.
Re: I Win. by LintyWeenis	19-Sep-04/10:18 AM
While I am sure you are very qualified to judge your own poetry, being the one who excreted it from your sticky hands, you may like to let others vote on your poems, and refrain from voting on them yourself. Granted, your own self-opinion is a completely accurate indicator of how good your poetry actually is and self-absorbtion is the only way to get an honest objective picture of yourself, and also granted that the number of IPS from which you are able to vote "anonymously" runs in direct proportion to the value of your opinion, I must ask you not to do so, if only so that those who are not as great and important as the poetry God you most indubitably and immutably are can have their humble opinion included in equal weight to your own.
Re: a comment on Poem For Times Such As These by Nicholas Jones	16-Sep-04/1:42 PM
The last two lines are identical to my translation (which I provided the link to in my last comment here,) which I suppose is a good thing. As it happens, I'm not a native welsh speaeker either or even Welsh (or British,) I don't even know what my first language is actually. I just like Welsh and the culture that goes along with it. Only really spent a week in Wales.
Re: The Dovina Limericks by Everyone	16-Sep-04/1:33 PM
Hilarity!
Re: a comment on C. Morgenstern: Gentle Songs by yonderland	16-Sep-04/1:30 PM
Here's my quick and dirty version (by no means perfect either) for comparison Gentle songs I sing to you by night- Songs no mortal ear knows inklings of Nor a star that stares down from its height Nor the moon that swims the sky above. Songs that none except the very heart dreaming them can weep for as it hears, Songs on which none but the burning smart That devised them grows indulged in tears. Gentle songs I sing to you by night, In whose eyes I've felt my senses sink, You, from whose deep well, too low for light, My soul drank eternal longing's drink