Re: C. Morgenstern: Gentle Songs by yonderland	16-Sep-04/12:49 PM
Hmm I like this one but not as much. I think "glides in silent gear" is not very Morgenstern like and isn't a very good translation for "der still im Äther schwimmt" Also you translate "das eigne Herz" (one's own heart) as "the heart of mine" and use the first person pronoun where it doesen't exist in the original, which completely crushes the charming ambiguity of the second stanza. "In whose eyes sank my sense and mind" is archaic and sounds like german syntax. It is not natural in a translation of an idiomatic spontaneous poet like Morgenstern. Though you have to make changes and substitutions for the sake of cadence in any good translation, you should be aware of what those substitutions are and how they affect the poem.
Re: C. Morgenstern: The Surf by yonderland	16-Sep-04/10:20 AM
It really sounds like Morgenstern! Du hast etwas ganz gut gemacht.
Re: Poem For Times Such As These by Nicholas Jones	16-Sep-04/10:00 AM
Ydy'r gerdd hyn yn gael ei dylanwadu gan "Rhyfel" Hedd Wyn? Gwae fi fy myw mewn oes mor ddreng A Duw ar drai ar orwel pell; O'i ôl mae dyn, yn deyrn a gwreng, Yn codi ei awdurdod hell. Pan deimlodd fyned ymaith Dduw Cyfododd gledd i ladd ei frawd; Mae swn yr ymladd ar ein clyw, A'i gysgod ar fythynnod tlawd. Mae'r hen delynau genid gynt Ynghrog ar gangau'r helyg draw, A gwaed y bechgyn lond y gwynt, A'u gwaed yn gymysg efo'r glaw http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=107941
Re: School (a sonnet) by Nicholas Jones	16-Sep-04/9:55 AM
Wyt ti wedi ddarllen "Ty'r ysgol" gan T. H Parry Williams? Mae'n amddangos bod y gerdd hyn yn ateb yn ôl i'w soned.
Re: Welsh Landscape Part One by Nicholas Jones	16-Sep-04/9:49 AM
Rydw i'n cytuno. Does dim gan yr uwchdônau marw unrhyw ddihangfa. Rydw i'n credu bod i ddim wedi gofyn, oes yn well gen ti Saesneg neu Gymraeg?
Re: Im Scared by crystal4	9-Sep-04/6:37 PM
Any poem that has the words "and nobody cares" or "I need someone" or "I'm the only one" or really any line in this poem, is a hopeless cliché. I'm sorry a member of your family has died. But this poem is terrible
Re: Friend Ship by ChefKSP	9-Sep-04/6:31 PM
When you'll find love? mind if I go hurl in the next room. YEUCH!!! Shit you're bad. This is the most sappy stuff I've read in a long time.
Re: Forever Lasting by ChefKSP	9-Sep-04/6:29 PM
Life without love is a life's loss????? God. Look, Chef, why don't you send this dribble you cooked up to Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul XXXVII. I believe they have an opening, as they always do, for shit that rambles, rhymes, and really means absolutely nothing. Go ahead. You're hurting the internet.
Re: Love by ChefKSP	9-Sep-04/6:25 PM
Aww. How distinctively pathetic. Your Revealed feelings only prolongs the time till your heart is broken once again?? What the fuck is that? I believe you meant "prolong" and not "prolongs." Actually, you might want to take that whole line out. Or maybe you want to take the whole stanza; it adds nothing to the poem. Actually, just take out the entire poem. It adds nothing to this site.
Re: Lost Soul by ChefKSP	9-Sep-04/6:22 PM
Jesus. You are sooooooooo good. It just amazes me. The beginning of nearly every line with "I" provides a sense of continuity that more than makes up for the disjointed yet comfortingly predictable lines. It is hard to believe that this is the work of an adolescent struggling to keep it together. A well deserved 10 HAHAHAHAHA Fooled ya, didn't I. No. Sorry. I was kidding. This poem sucks. I know it's hard to bear someone telling you that but it does. It reminds me of the soppy crap of my English teacher way way way back in my freshman year of highschool: Self-righteous, cliché, and about as articulate as George Bush while talking to the cop who pulled him over for drunk driving. A well deserved 0.
Re: a comment on Let your heart roam free by Leah11	3-Sep-04/2:54 PM
Definitely completely wrong. Prose doesen't have linebreaks. Now critique: You begin with two generalities copulating in alliteration rather rudely right infront of the reader's face: "paradox of possibility." The beginning of this poem might be improved all round by some concrete imagery, instead of bland and bald description. Show, don't tell. As a matter of fact, the whole poem does little showing and a lot of telling. The meter however is a good one. Just don't shoehorn big words into it for the sole purpose of filling in the syllables.
Re: a comment on The American Soldier by x0lovelylarnx0	1-Aug-04/10:51 PM
Actually I'm a Russian with biracial parents, raised in a French-Russian speaking household and didn't learn english till around age 6 or 7 at which point I was living outside the US. I believe that makes me NOT A YANKEE by any stretch of the word. The fact that I have a better grasp of the English language than you do when it is my third and your first language demonstrates the extent to which your subaverage, superarrogant, and hopelessly unpoetic intellect is not worth the brain-farts it generates. Have a nice day. Yahoo! Ride 'em cowboy!
Re: a comment on The American Soldier by x0lovelylarnx0	1-Aug-04/10:48 PM
you mean you are way "past" not "passed" Though I'm sure in the past you have been passed by many guys who say "damn Joe, look at that disgusting marm over there"
Re: a comment on The Dream by x0lovelylarnx0	1-Aug-04/10:42 PM
Not if they're hendecasyllabic. They're supposed to have five stressed syllables interspersed with 5 or 6 unstressed syllables. STOP COUNTING SYLLABLES Learn what iambic pentameter is before you initiate anymore verbal defication
Re: a comment on The American Soldier by x0lovelylarnx0	1-Aug-04/10:32 PM
Um hello? Irony alert! You've got fight/life as a rhyme, hope/boat as a rhyme, and to top it all off you've got not ONE LINE in this sonnet that is in iambic pentameter! NOT ONE! You should count syllables too hun, and you might also want to count stresses and word accents.
Re: a comment on The American Soldier by x0lovelylarnx0	25-Jul-04/1:15 PM
and you misspelled pray
Re: a comment on The American Soldier by x0lovelylarnx0	25-Jul-04/1:14 PM
If there was any shred of a doubt that you're a minor, it's gone now. Who else but a teenager with a limited vocabulary (or a senior suffering from a degenerative mental disorder, which, I suppose is a slim possibility here) would call me a Loser when there are so many more creative things an immature person could say like, for example, little bleeding twat, ugly pustule, and nut licker- all of which I would validly apply to you if I were not so sure somebody else in your sad life already had. There. Now retorts should follow something like that.
Re: The Dream by x0lovelylarnx0	24-Jul-04/4:31 PM
This shows some grasp of imagery. The rhymes are once again forced though. When you have a word accented on the penultimate syllable ending a line, you should have 11 syllables in the line total.
Re: The American Soldier by x0lovelylarnx0	24-Jul-04/4:29 PM
Rhymes are off, iambic pentameter is not there, and the sire.fire rhyme is forced, as are they all. This is actually a pretty good specimen of the crap that happens when young'uns like you think they can be profound. -blessed with a 2- Really, I'm being hard on you because I am expressing an honest opinion, not because I'm retaliating.
Re: a comment on Ellis Evans: Rhyfel- War by Sasha	10-Jul-04/6:59 AM
Indeed, *bows* Do I get a vote, or just a conversation?