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Let your heart roam free (Prose Poem) by Leah11 A paradox of possibility lies before your soul
An openness of the heart that trusts in something more
A constant search for the perfect reflection that you desperately desire
The need alone burns within you like a fire within a fire
Allow your soul to roam the fields and smell the many scents
For pain you hide within your heart is pain that's never spent
It will accumulate deep inside and that time is lost for good
Allow your heart to be alive and to feel the love it should
Up the ladder:
The Scout
Down the ladder:
Fire of Life
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.285714
Posted: September 2, 2004 8:41 AM PDT; Last modified: September 2, 2004 8:41 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.614723 Overall Rank: 2242 Comments:
Like the feel and honesty - structure could be better.
-8.5-
Good message, it seems to flow well. How's life in Australia? I've always wanted to go.
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xxx
Now critique:
You begin with two generalities copulating in alliteration rather rudely right infront of the reader's face: "paradox of possibility." The beginning of this poem might be improved all round by some concrete imagery, instead of bland and bald description. Show, don't tell. As a matter of fact, the whole poem does little showing and a lot of telling.
The meter however is a good one. Just don't shoehorn big words into it for the sole purpose of filling in the syllables.