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C. Morgenstern: Gentle Songs

Member since 2004 · Posted 16 Sep 2004 · 5 comments

Gentle songs I sing for you by night, songs that no-one's mortal ear can hear, nor a star that may be shining bright, nor the Moon that glides in silent gear; To whom nothing but the heart of mine, that can dream them, listens wistfully, and in whom no thing except the pain, that evokes them, can indulge for me. Gentle songs I sing for you by night, you, in whose eyes sank my sense and mind, from their core, deep down and out of sight my soul drank one longing of its kind.

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5 comments

[10] horus8 16-Sep-04/11:21 AM Reply

Heavy...

[8] Sasha 16-Sep-04/12:49 PM Reply

Hmm I like this one but not as much.

I think "glides in silent gear" is not very Morgenstern like and isn't a very good translation for "der still im Ãther schwimmt"

Also you translate "das eigne Herz" (one's own heart) as "the heart of mine" and use the first person pronoun where it doesen't exist in the original, which completely crushes the charming ambiguity of the second stanza.

"In whose eyes sank my sense and mind" is archaic and sounds like german syntax. It is not natural in a translation of an idiomatic spontaneous poet like Morgenstern.

Though you have to make changes and substitutions for the sake of cadence in any good translation, you should be aware of what those substitutions are and how they affect the poem.

[n/a] yonderland › Sasha 16-Sep-04/1:24 PM Reply

Yes, I was so busy with the rhymes that I dropped the syntax! ;-) As for the "silent gear," I think it is more appropriate than trying to be direct; the "ether" thing didn't seem to work for me when I tried out the alternatives.
Thanks for the hints, I'll amend the translation as more comments come in. Suggestions are welcome. Best regards, Ralf

[8] Sasha › yonderland 16-Sep-04/1:30 PM Reply

Here's my quick and dirty version (by no means perfect either) for comparison

Gentle songs I sing to you by night-
Songs no mortal ear knows inklings of
Nor a star that stares down from its height
Nor the moon that swims the sky above.

Songs that none except the very heart
dreaming them can weep for as it hears,
Songs on which none but the burning smart
That devised them grows indulged in tears.

Gentle songs I sing to you by night,
In whose eyes I've felt my senses sink,
You, from whose deep well, too low for light,
My soul drank eternal longing's drink

[n/a] yonderland › Sasha 17-Sep-04/1:06 AM Reply

Like that version, too. Much different, I think mine is more coloured. Maybe because I did it for a certain person, rather than for accuracy's sake... :)