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C. Morgenstern: Gentle Songs (Free verse) by yonderland

Gentle songs I sing for you by night, songs that no-one's mortal ear can hear, nor a star that may be shining bright, nor the Moon that glides in silent gear; To whom nothing but the heart of mine, that can dream them, listens wistfully, and in whom no thing except the pain, that evokes them, can indulge for me. Gentle songs I sing for you by night, you, in whose eyes sank my sense and mind, from their core, deep down and out of sight my soul drank one longing of its kind.

Sasha 16-Sep-04/12:49 PM
Hmm I like this one but not as much.

I think "glides in silent gear" is not very Morgenstern like and isn't a very good translation for "der still im Äther schwimmt"

Also you translate "das eigne Herz" (one's own heart) as "the heart of mine" and use the first person pronoun where it doesen't exist in the original, which completely crushes the charming ambiguity of the second stanza.

"In whose eyes sank my sense and mind" is archaic and sounds like german syntax. It is not natural in a translation of an idiomatic spontaneous poet like Morgenstern.

Though you have to make changes and substitutions for the sake of cadence in any good translation, you should be aware of what those substitutions are and how they affect the poem.




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