Sasha16 Sep 2004
Hmm I like this one but not as much.
I think "glides in silent gear" is not very Morgenstern like and isn't a very good translation for "der still im Ãther schwimmt"
Also you translate "das eigne Herz" (one's own heart) as "the heart of mine" and use the first person pronoun where it doesen't exist in the original, which completely crushes the charming ambiguity of the second stanza.
"In whose eyes sank my sense and mind" is archaic and sounds like german syntax. It is not natural in a translation of an idiomatic spontaneous poet like Morgenstern.
Though you have to make changes and substitutions for the sake of cadence in any good translation, you should be aware of what those substitutions are and how they affect the poem.