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School (a sonnet) (Ode) by Nicholas Jones Cold eyes, dark tiring journeys now and then
The fields rang out for we who could not know
All that was around, but stiil we knew when
A thing is real and not made just for show.
We learnt so little; but our damaged minds
Fought on, of course, we understood our fate:
To think was to resist, to think and find
That we were helped along by purer hate.
They burnt our dreams and told us not to dream.
But still we disobeyed to fight our lot
We did not know how to their side it seemed
Alive, aware, we knew what they did not:
Dark scenes in corridors where children died,
Cruel actions of a system fuelled by lies.
Up the ladder:
Madam Z - [<~>] - Snake Pen & Holy Grail
Down the ladder:
Just clubbing fur seals
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Posted: September 3, 2002 7:06 AM PDT; Last modified: September 6, 2002 2:18 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.537883 Overall Rank: 2498 Comments:
[6]
Christof @ 195.172.133.226
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3-Sep-02/7:20 AM
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Reply
But I take it you learnt sonnet structure at school - so it wasn't all pointless then was it? Again, I can't agree with your conclusion, and I think this is melodramatic at the end and no half as interesting as 'Evensong'.
Yes, I think the end is too melodramatic. Originally it was where children 'cry', not die, which in retrospect I should have stuck with. But the point is that the school system is designed to stifle individuality and lots of kid suffer terrible trauma, and that's something that needs to be written about.
I think we'll have to agree to disagree. School isn't perfect, but the alternative is mass illiteracy and the end of civilisation. Or something.
i liked this one so much,expecially the last stanza and i liked that one too " they burnt our dreams"
it's awesome,keep up the good work.
Well done, Nicholas Jones. It should be in the sonnet section but then again it might probably be never read. Also a minor point. But the concluding couplet - died and lies! Come on. You have so much skill. I bet you can improve upon this and come up with a couplet that rhymes properly.Voted 9
Thank you for your very positive comments. I quite like leaving it on a half rhyme. The sonnet offers the possibility of resolution but then fails in that task but not quite rhyming.
Dear Nicholas,
I received your reply but I am not wholly convinced by your answer. Still, that is only my opinion. Yes, I worked for JB for ten weeks. He kindly took me on after he had heard me (at his request) recite some of my compositions. The next ten weeks were bliss. I repaid his kindness with a scorching attack (in verse) on his critic Alvarez who maintained that Betjeman's poetry was a branch of fascism (among other slights). It was published in the S Telegraph and it gave me a sort of twisted starus as an enfant terrible amongst the intelligentsia. Anyway you write very well and all power to your elbow. NB There is some poor demented fellow who has been hurt by your criticisms as you probaly know. I am sure you are a big enough sort of fellow to send him a soothing note. He sounds young and in some pain. Best wishes, Nicholas
As a silly american i can't help but get a strong david gilmour roger waters vibe here...beautiful...Nick what's your special month and thing to do on your birth day, and is there any one in particular you spend your time with?
Wyt ti wedi ddarllen "Ty'r ysgol" gan T. H Parry Williams? Mae'n amddangos bod y gerdd hyn yn ateb yn ôl i'w soned.
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