poemranker ::Just clubbing fur seals by <{Baba^Yaga}>

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Free verse № 33355

Just clubbing fur seals

by <{Baba^Yaga}>

Member since 2002 · Posted 3 Jan 2003 · Edited 16 Jan 2003 · 9 comments

She's the rash inside your old suit A chimney clogged with clear soot - The hooded oriflammed Inuit That wished to be more then some burgomaster. She was birthed in a see through igloo But her lips could never just be blue - For she controls your new and improved flue With a hymen dyed hot pink remote device. Now i bet you're thinking, "it's me" While my squire head shoots your palfrey - She's spreading dialectic facts from upstream To escape a life of selling funky isinglass. Behold, your very own gated south pole A well melted and trendy ecumenical - Because you wished to be their next great staple As the saturated produce choked everyone's spine. Just remember this old stuffed shad omen From a drunk and tilting catechumen - The truth is not some miracle vitamin That you can purchase with a free suitcase from the Sears expanded - catalouge..

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mean 7.00 weighted 5.54 rank 2497 views 353 View voting details →

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9 comments

[n/a] horus8 3-Jan-03/3:06 AM Reply
hey da. did i do this right? i'm unsure.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › horus8 3-Jan-03/9:42 AM Reply
You did it beautifully, as long as your accent is warped enough to make 'staple' rhyme with 'ecumenical' and 'upstream' rhyme with 'palfrey' ???

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[9] <~> 3-Jan-03/6:44 AM Reply
h--i liked this very much, but it ain't a villanelle. for a tongue-in-cheek, fill-in-the-blanks look at the pattern of a villanelle, see nentwined's "killer boredom butterfly (esoteric). you gotta repeat and exchange the lines, mon frere. and it's all ababababababab rhyming. mayb baba should wright it? she's got the chops and the name for it.

just go on and change this to free verse, and leave it be. there's a few picayunes, but i'll get back to you on those.

ta.
[n/a] <{Baba^Yaga}> › <~> 3-Jan-03/7:55 AM Reply
that bastard. he new i'd do this..his laughter..haunting me!!!!!!!!!!!! no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what time is it? noooooooooo! i have to go to some mervyns ausitin in two hours, and then go see bill my photographic conquistador..snap the picture, take it off hey!, snap the picture it's cold as hell hey! take the shot before i eat your custom light hey! my brain hurts, and i love it hey! hey! hey! picayunes aye? sounds delightful..one of repeating villanelle in raymond burrs work, or the sound of his wheelchair approaching the crime scene...why did he call his a villanelle?
[n/a] ecargo › <{Baba^Yaga}> 3-Jan-03/8:00 AM Reply
Because he could? Sheer contrariness? The most famous example of a villanelle is Dylan Thomas's _Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night_: http://www.poets.org/poems/poems.cfm?prmID=1159. The two repeating lines have to be very strong for the form to be effective.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 3-Jan-03/9:32 AM Reply
Indeede my poeme is not a Vilanelle. I just made up the rhyme scheme and decided to call it a Vilanelle. In much the same way I used to call all my poemes Concrete because most people have no idea what the fuck Concrete is, and also because I found it amusing when people kept posting outraged comments saying "This aint concrete!"

Oh, and by the way -
This aint Vilanelle!
[7] Caducus 3-Jan-03/9:39 AM Reply
I thought vilanelle as a holiday home in the Algarve, liked s1, s2 and the last stanzas but got lost in the middle, however I am having a very very very blonde day and my brain is in exile so dont listen to me =7=
[7] INTRANSIT 17-Jan-03/6:17 AM Reply
Whether or not this is about some one matters not, to me. I wish I could comment on this with some form of intelligence. Being that iI can't, I like it.
[9] <~> 17-Jan-03/7:39 AM Reply
who knew baby seals could be such tongue-tripping mind-fucking fun?