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Going Blind (Sonnet) by Sasha
He used to know how blue and purple were different. But now the sundown and blue noon have melted both their colors. All’s a blur, though not yet like the nights that cloud the moon. Sight dim with tears and sickness, he inquires: “H-hun, what color are your eyes?” Her green iris gone pupil-black. By winter, fires only project dim ghosts on a giant screen. While learning to play Braille’s connect-the-dots, and listening to TV in his room, the lids lift for old time’s sake when he spots a thing like a brown mitten in the gloom move back and forth. And his enfeebled eye makes out his hand that waves goodbye.

Up the ladder: this pain

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 02
.. 10
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 6.3333335
Weighted score: 5.3585887
Overall Rank: 3343
Posted: October 31, 2004 11:02 AM PST; Last modified: October 31, 2004 11:02 AM PST
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Comments:
[9] Dovina @ 24.52.156.155 | 31-Oct-04/11:56 AM | Reply
Why offset the last line?
[n/a] Sasha @ 69.138.240.116 > Dovina | 31-Oct-04/12:18 PM | Reply
Because it is tetrameter as opposed to the rough pentameter of the rest. I shortened it for the effect.
[9] Dovina @ 24.52.156.155 > Sasha | 31-Oct-04/12:29 PM | Reply
Line 10 is tetrameter. Line 8 seems to have 6 beats. Several lines are iambic only on a stretch of the word. None of the above makes any difference to me.
[n/a] Sasha @ 69.138.240.116 > Dovina | 31-Oct-04/12:38 PM | Reply
All normal stretches of pentameter in a modern sonnet in english. C.F. John F. Nims.
[1] Stephen Robins @ 213.146.148.199 | 1-Nov-04/5:34 AM | Reply
You are still a massive cock.
[n/a] Sasha @ 69.138.240.116 > Stephen Robins | 1-Nov-04/6:48 AM | Reply
That's a compliment coming from someone who writes poetry as limp and listless as yours.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 82.39.20.71 > Sasha | 1-Nov-04/10:36 AM | Reply
Real sharp comeback dr smooth.
[8] edpeterson @ 68.79.60.123 | 1-Nov-04/12:38 PM | Reply
"are you with me Dr. Poo, are you really just the shadow of the man that I once knew?"
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