on I'm walking thorough void by Prince of Void
1 Dec 2005, 2:48 PM
ummm...okay, first, you need to move on from the whole "void" angle. It's wearing thin. Also, try some different styles and variations. Either get some prozac or some liquor (but just enough). Most of the good stuff is about pain and depression, but you need to work on saying it in a new way and making it interesting. Also work on your grammar and adjectives. Often, your lines make little sense because you're trying to put too much into them.
replying on I'm walking thorough void by Prince of Void
1 Dec 2005, 2:44 PM
You're having sex before you log on every day aren't you.
on Silent Night by Dovina
30 Nov 2005, 3:44 PM
I'm not religious or anything but I just don't think turning a christmas carol into a naughty nursery rhyme is all that original. No offense, but it just doesn't seem any more so to me that Sasha's irritating translations.
replying on Silent Night by Dovina
30 Nov 2005, 3:43 PM
And you're saying you're not any of those things?
Someone on here once said I don't have any feelings....that hurt.
Someone on here once said I don't have any feelings....that hurt.
replying on Silent Night by Dovina
30 Nov 2005, 3:39 PM
Now, THAT's a poem.
on Indian Song by ALChemy
28 Nov 2005, 2:21 PM
Wild man,
bled in my vanities;
My graven ancient,
increase mass homicide.
So little left of you
to resurrect for you.
Wild man
God interred his head.
I dunno...best I could come up with.
9 for making me think...I'd give you a 10 but you made me think and that pissed me off. ;)
bled in my vanities;
My graven ancient,
increase mass homicide.
So little left of you
to resurrect for you.
Wild man
God interred his head.
I dunno...best I could come up with.
9 for making me think...I'd give you a 10 but you made me think and that pissed me off. ;)
The last verse works in there as a fade out in the song. It reads differently than the others because the music changes somewhat at the end. The serenade is actually supposed to be promenade...I don't know why I wrote serenade...guess I was getting tired or got distracted or something.
on The mountain has come to Mohammed by ALChemy
24 Nov 2005, 5:50 PM
Sympathy for the Devil reference...nice..
replying on Moving Forward In Reverse (For Ann) by wilco
24 Nov 2005, 1:41 PM
thanks.
replying on Moving Forward In Reverse (For Ann) by wilco
24 Nov 2005, 1:40 PM
I wholeheartedly agree. This isn't even the best thing that I'VE written...much less the best thing on the site...of course that can be said for much of what's in the top 20. I think there needs to be a better system for determining the top peoms...oh well...what'r you gonna do..I don't run this outfit.
on brave new world still a bit timid by FreeFormFixation
30 Oct 2005, 4:00 PM
Although I think you're completely misinterpreting Jeff Mangum's lyrics, there are still parts of this that I like (such as the third stanza). Also, points for knowing who Neutral Milk Hotel is...
on Tough Love by Crann Mascher
26 Oct 2005, 4:06 PM
Sounds like a Ween song off the 12 Golden Country Greats album....nice
on The cold shoulder by <~>
26 Oct 2005, 2:20 PM
constellation sex..
I object to the second half becauseI simpy don't like it. It doesn't strike me as being anything more than someone accepting their fate, which, In my view isn't anything new or exciting. You Christians seem to have an overly optimistic view of death in verse or conversation, but the tune often changes when the end is actually staring you in the eye (not all, but many).
replying on dialect by skaskowski
25 Oct 2005, 7:24 PM
mmm...1,000...1,500...1,999 soldiers lives...meaningless...now 2,000! That's a number we can get behind.
on MOMENTS From A Madman's Mind by PsydewaysTears
25 Oct 2005, 7:21 PM
The third stanza is just not very good, but the rest isnt too bad...not real wild about the capitalized words either...I'm guessing you did it because they all have to do with time, but it's actually kind of distracting.