on Count All the Stars by TLRufener
7 Dec 2005, 9:01 PM
It's not good, it's not bad...it's just mediocre.
on Relief (Ventilation Shaft rewrite) by cyan9
8 Dec 2005, 1:10 PM
Ok, I can dig this..It's pretty and has a lot of good imagery. I honestly don't know what the hell your talking about, but sometimes it doesn't matter.
on Emma Barksdale by rahson_s
8 Dec 2005, 1:20 PM
I'm curious if you are the one who wrote this or if it is from Utopia Wright's journals. Also, I'm curious as to your connection to him.
The poem is good but the "definitely" in the next to last line bothers me..I'm not really sure why.
Other than that, I wouldn't change a thing.
The poem is good but the "definitely" in the next to last line bothers me..I'm not really sure why.
Other than that, I wouldn't change a thing.
on no title by candaliesa
13 Dec 2005, 1:12 PM
Nothing I can say that hasn't already been said. This is a good starting point, now work on it and get better.
on some deleted poem
13 Dec 2005, 1:22 PM
I'd agree that the "doth and" "thee" ned to go. Also the driven snow line is kind of cliche. other than that, not too bad.
on some deleted poem
13 Dec 2005, 1:26 PM
A haiku-pimple..interesting...a Pimpku? Unfortunately I don't care much for haiku and I absolutely hate pimples..sorry
on Relics in Entropy by PsydewaysTears
13 Dec 2005, 1:44 PM
You could shorten this down, make it a little more cohesive and tight and have thre different poems.
on some deleted poem
13 Dec 2005, 1:48 PM
I like the second one the best, I think but i'd lose the ellipses.
on I saw Your Face Last Night by Dovina
13 Dec 2005, 1:55 PM
To be honest, I didn't even realize this was you until I went back and looked to see who the writer was. I think you're selling yourself short here. I really thought this was done by one of our kiddieposters (albeit a more advanced one.)
on I Remember Thinking by BrandonW
13 Dec 2005, 2:12 PM
It's just that it's really just a letter to some chick..not really a poem.
on You Have It Backwards by LilMsLadyPoet
13 Dec 2005, 4:31 PM
That's a super story and you make some good points. However, you've got a couple of plot holes here.
1) Why was your mother on welfare while getting her Masters? I don't presume to know your family's situation, but why didn't she get a job?
2) You first present the option that people create and invent out of necessity. Then, later, you state that people who "might die tomorrow" won't do that. Do we all not cower under the possibility that we might die tomorrow?
1) Why was your mother on welfare while getting her Masters? I don't presume to know your family's situation, but why didn't she get a job?
2) You first present the option that people create and invent out of necessity. Then, later, you state that people who "might die tomorrow" won't do that. Do we all not cower under the possibility that we might die tomorrow?
on Bri's Room (not done) by Sunshine Conkey
13 Dec 2005, 4:40 PM
Ok, it's a children's poem...I can get with that...until I saw that comment, I thought you were a retarded.
on You Have It Backwards by LilMsLadyPoet
13 Dec 2005, 4:41 PM
RE: I'm sorry, but when I see the words 'socialism and civic responsibility'...'institutions' that 'collectively' mandate you help a worthless neighbor, that you OWE something to anybody who has his hand out, that your sweat, labour, and reward should be used to raise 'the collective' of people needing your assistance...well...I stop listening. Responsible citizenship, to me, does not mean "responsible to and for the citizens".
Exactly what do you think welfare is?
Exactly what do you think welfare is?
on Blah Blah by Blindpoetry
15 Dec 2005, 11:06 AM
now thats creative. writer's block?
on The Cowardice of Francis Evans by Caducus
15 Dec 2005, 11:08 AM
cranium in the third stanza just doesn't sound right for me...
On a related note, I really think people should log in before they give you a zero...just common fucking courtesy if you ask me.