on some deleted poem
31 Jan 2005, 3:40 PM
Except for the nothing to look forward to line, this is kind of ok. Not really a lyric yet, but keep working on it.
on some deleted poem
31 Jan 2005, 3:42 PM
I must admit it..I have no fucking clue what this is about.
on Baghdad Election by Mona Lisa
31 Jan 2005, 3:43 PM
Anyone want to place bets on how long it will be before their new president gets blown up?
on My Heroes by MacFrantic
31 Jan 2005, 5:47 PM
Not bad as a Triolet. I usually dislike using thee and lest but but it seems to work ok here.
on some deleted poem
31 Jan 2005, 5:49 PM
THings must be pretty desperate when you're plagiarizing fucking Lil' John.
on Life by Stacy Stewart
31 Jan 2005, 5:52 PM
Something about this I like. Not sure what it is.
on Dying Abroad by zodiac
1 Feb 2005, 4:39 PM
I'm not going to be picky about changing a couple of words and not repeating theline exactly. It's really one of your best. I wish you'd spend a little more time writing and a little less time drying to be -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I., Jr., but it's ok.
on Ode to Brittanyy and her Dyke Jacket. by DreamerSupreme
1 Feb 2005, 4:42 PM
I'm not going to vote on this because it's just plain fuckin' mean. All that aside, though, it's pretty good. hehe
Being as this is the second poem I've read today called "Life", I can't, just can't. First, you need to learn to proofread, or at least you spellcheck. Then, try writing about something else. All this positivity is a bad thing to be posting here. If you're going to be positive, at least mask it. ;)
On the plus side, you have a great chance of making it onto -=D_A=-'s Love/Above Liste. Congrats.
On the plus side, you have a great chance of making it onto -=D_A=-'s Love/Above Liste. Congrats.
on A Thing I Must Do by Dovina
2 Feb 2005, 3:00 PM
One of your best in a while.
on some deleted poem
2 Feb 2005, 3:03 PM
I don't know how good of a song this would make, but it works as a poem too.
on Harry & the Little Bird by Goad
2 Feb 2005, 3:05 PM
Perfidy, great word. I'm not really liking this too much but I'm going to give you an 8 just for that.
on some deleted poem
2 Feb 2005, 3:09 PM
I'm sorry. i want to help but I just don't think anything's going to do this any good.
on No more goodbye by ShaNoN+960317485
2 Feb 2005, 3:10 PM
Need to fix your meter here and check your spelling.
on Save our Self(revised to be a trek into the vent tent) by Crakyamuni
2 Feb 2005, 3:13 PM
I'm really not sure what's going on here...maybe you could add a little bit more to help paint at least a little bit better picture. I'm all about abstract, but you gotta give a little more I think.
on A love apple's just a tomato (edit of "Uprooting") by fevriere
2 Feb 2005, 3:16 PM
Not bad. I thing the smart tart bit could be better, but I like the fruit/potatoes lines.
on Ceylon Cries by Mona Lisa
3 Feb 2005, 3:48 PM
okay, I'll buy that.
on some deleted poem
3 Feb 2005, 3:49 PM
I could critique this, but I wouldn't say anything that Goad hasn't already said. Better than your usual.
on some deleted poem
3 Feb 2005, 3:51 PM
I'm guessing you used the so called "big words" because of the title and that they are there to drive the point home. Assuming this, I'll give you a 7. Some of the rhymes do seem very forced though.