Re: Oh mother, thou art stoned! by <{Baba^Yaga}>	25-Aug-02/10:34 PM
Keeping with current events I see. But I like it.
Re: To Be Rich by Bakar	25-Aug-02/9:54 PM
Sounds more like lyrics, but if it is judged as a poem, I cannot understand why you stopped the rhyme scheme at the end. Did I miss something? The last line is weak.
Re: endless eternity: by Sapphire	25-Aug-02/8:50 PM
And here I thought this was going to be a descent poem. The title sucks, but the poem opens in okay fashion and then---boom, out of nowhere comes the worst line ever written: "time suckles of mother natures teat." I laughed all the way to the pisser, pissed all over myself from laughing so hard.
Re: Aids in a van - are you local? by ==Doylum	25-Aug-02/8:14 PM
Ha! you just might overtake worst poem. I'll help. Damn chubby! --->
Re: Roadmeat by ifni	25-Aug-02/8:12 PM
The repetition bogs down the poem. We get the point. And areas of youthful language also hold the poem back (i.e. terror tastes bitter, my yesterdays...). And really, how often do you see dead kittens in the road. Maybe squirrels, or opossum, or armadillos, even alligators and once in awhile a cat, marmot or dog, but kittens?
Re: Angelic Triumvirate by Sterling5583	25-Aug-02/8:07 PM
An interesting idea that gets lost in a ton of tedious language. Maybe with some work it would flow better.
Re: Our lord and saviour, the land of 60 million micks, as wonderful and noble as the pink empire. by ==Doylum	25-Aug-02/7:53 PM
Ask Z and she will tell you that this is clearly not a limerick. It is aabba or Abba misspelled. Hand over heart now! Proud to be an American, cuz at least I know I'm free.
Re: All Year Long by Sigh'ense...	25-Aug-02/7:50 PM
This is the biggest loaf of Wisconsin cheese turd I have ever read in my life. I mean it is good to get in touch with the Robert Bly side of yourself, but this is flat out ridiculous. I mean come on, take a look at some of these lines. How could you actually write these without breaking down in shear laughter? "You are my treat on Halloween, and everyday in between," "With fireworks, pledging to you my romantic sovereignty," "Draped and covered in your "sensuality sweater"." Ugh. It was a painful read.
Re: when you want your haiku to be cool but otherwise got it trashed because you are f*#ing limited by 5-7-5...and you think you can get away with it but end up getting criticized in the web by unknown	25-Aug-02/7:20 PM
Sound like a more of a chip on the should rather than a haiku.
Re: Z. by ErgoErgun	23-Aug-02/10:51 PM
Ah! Writing is always a good excuse. Mine is a one-year-old with an ear infection. On my chest right now trying to find sleep. Explains my poor typing tonight.
Re: Z. by ErgoErgun	23-Aug-02/10:28 PM
So what is your excuse for being at home ripping poetry and shagging doylum in the comment box at 2am your time on a Friday no less. I suppose the weekend lost its meaning when I learned to drink on weekdays. Oh well.
Re: A Choir Boy's Spoiliation.. by Bachus	23-Aug-02/10:13 PM
Ha! You got fucking babbit to come out his forest. You do have a true ruffian spirit. But really Hours, he's one of the good guys, utterly modest, easily humbled. A true proletariat than anyone would be proud to drink with. Oh and this rasict fucking poem sucks!!! Ha, kidding.
Re: Z. by ErgoErgun	23-Aug-02/10:06 PM
Hey, if this is a love poem to Z, she is in the comment box with Doylum right now going at it!!!!!! Sorry, you cannot be enough for her. Maybe you should take her out for prune ice cream.
Re: Choking by SoulSlippedAway	23-Aug-02/9:47 PM
"I don't expect you people to like this,because infact you all are mean!" This is the best line in the poem (minus the typos). Nevertheless, I am going to try to give a "constructive assessment." 1) Creeping silence sounds like something off one of those crazy bands those kids listen today. Plus, silence speaks for itself; it doesn't need to have an adjective necessarily. 2) Do you really understand what the depths of "madness" are? You sound rather young; are you sure it is just not a long bout of teen angst. You know that is what the world needs now. Madness (i.e. depression, bi-polar and the like) is an extremely complex condition both biologically and psychologically and requires much more imagery than throwing a glass to the floor in some sort of angry fit. 3) The choking imagery doesn't seem to have much weight. Can you really choke on life or a pathetic defense and what is the pathetic defense in the poem. Okay, I cannot go on anymore. I tried and you can take this advice if you what to. Or you can just delete the fucking poem.
Re: Losing A Friend by venusdemilo	23-Aug-02/9:31 PM
Jesus, will you guys just get a room already.
Re: Losing A Friend by venusdemilo	23-Aug-02/9:25 PM
Fine Venusdemillo: I am sorry for the cliched use of Hallmark. Somebody call Ambassador....I don't think they pay as much and they are in Cleveland, but then again, Hallmark is in KC Misery. And I am not fired up. Sometimes I love hearing myself swear. It is like verbal yoga. Do Re Mi fa so la FUCK!!! See I feel better.
Re: Losing A Friend by venusdemilo	23-Aug-02/9:15 PM
What you cannot come up with your own shit to say. Fuck it, if you can call it what it is then what the point. What are you, some fucked up Englishman who tries to save every trite fucking wannabes feeling. Tell them to get some fucking skin. If you want to show your poetry, send out your poetry, or let people read your poetry, then you better expect someone to come along and say it is shit. Quit being a wuss. If this poem were good, I would have said so. And what I said was constructive. She can get a job paying her 40K a year to write this shit.
Re: Sacrosanct Oligarch by Frass	23-Aug-02/9:10 PM
Has its moments. Like marital lies petrify, but I think the poem lollygags in cutely designed rhythms. Ii guess I just like poetry with an edge. Something to smack me up side the head. But this just doesn't do it. And it is not funny.
Re: Hip Nos by kthulah	23-Aug-02/9:07 PM
There are actually a couple of good lines in here - a couple. Try to find them and start over. It is like a word puzzle - find the good lines in your own poem.
Re: Losing A Friend by venusdemilo	23-Aug-02/8:57 PM
Call Hallmark!!! We have ourselves a gift writer of greeting card on this site. Read books not cards. (Sorry, Frass)