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Roadmeat (Free verse) by ifni
trembling I hid here crying I cringed here hoping you'd come here to hold me. my mind, in patterns like lost puzzle pieces of tomorrow my yesterdays ran away chunks of me like kittens in the street roadmeat. trembling, I hid here crying I cringed here praying for reprieve hoping you'd come here to save me. like slime acroos my skin terror tastes bitter and the darkness has teeth what good a shell when they have rocks to crush with and claws to pry with and hate to hurt with? I twisted on a spit of terror my dreams are too horrible to remember who infected me with this pain? trembling I hid here crying I cringed here hoping you'd come here to know me. tomorrow rises up like something to fear and I wear a mask of strength a mask of pain they've punched holes through me and stolen bits of me I don't even know where my weakness lies. trembling I hid here crying I cringed here trying to stay here I'm safe. 7.26.95 JV

Down the ladder: anxiety

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Arithmetic Mean: 3.2
Weighted score: 4.7854347
Overall Rank: 11293
Posted: August 25, 2002 5:44 PM PDT; Last modified: August 25, 2002 5:44 PM PDT
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Comments:
[2] poetandknowit @ 65.101.212.9 | 25-Aug-02/8:12 PM | Reply
The repetition bogs down the poem. We get the point. And areas of youthful language also hold the poem back (i.e. terror tastes bitter, my yesterdays...). And really, how often do you see dead kittens in the road. Maybe squirrels, or opossum, or armadillos, even alligators and once in awhile a cat, marmot or dog, but kittens?
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