For misspelling Raphael: -7-

Upon first reading your title, I thought, hmm, an improbable adjective-noun pairing... what's he doing, ripping off Shuushin? Then I realized - no!!! It's a polar opposite to my own post, 'Hologram Glasses'! Yen and Yang!!! Then the force of the ejaculation that ensued from this realization flipped me backwards in my swivel office chair laying me up with a concussion so severe that for a splendorous minute upon awakening I thought I was wcrystal lane swiftw. Everything was very beautiful and pink translucent plastic and I met Jesus and we danced all night to 'Lady In Red' and in the morning he married me with a piece of his Holy Foreskin. Then I awoke in a puddle of pinkish jizz with an unholy hangover and a swollen ringpiece that spoke of terrible buggering. The point being, clench should be clinch, I believe, and great poem.

Welcome back! You should get a ten for just posting again, but manna has two n's and this is my third poemranker poem about coffee today.

I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM - MY KEYBOARD ONLY HAS CAPITAL LETTERS.

Welcome back. Without you here I had to be the gay one. I was awful at it.

I feel like whenever I try to make a substantive comment on your poems you're like ohmygod bitch, like you can even and shit, but here goes:

I don't see why you didn't write "down a path lit with hibachi, (comma)" or something besides "as the waters miasma". Or why this doesn't make more like your usual amount of sense.

But you do deserve props for inventing the first courier-specific poetry with your truly magical villanelle "Often, I'll sit down to pee." And for being the world's first successful Negro soul transplant. -10-

Foresake should be Forsake.

I'm a little muddy on 'the polite case', but I'm sure you mean something by it.

I would like to see you put a different punctuation after 'up' and eliminate the 'for' afterward. Though when I read it it sounds good.

I find it reads better with a comma after faked and no 'and' before 'worn'. See what you think.

'At your heart, a poor gown' is the weakest line and should be re-written. The last lines are really strong arresting etc, but I wonder if there's a better word to put in the place of 'worth'.

The form seems to work pretty well. You might consider putting some space in every couple of lines, though. I don't know, play around and see what you think.

Hey, I wanted you to know I thought this was a really well-written lyric reminiscent of the ______ian ramblings of Mr _______ with some clever half-rhymes too, but it's my policy to give any poem which refers to suicide an automatic zero. The reason I do this is that have good reason to believe that ninety-nine percent of suicidals are just attention-grubbing whiners who think they're fucking Kurdnt Kobbayne or Sylvia Plath and that giving them pity, praise, or any kind of attention at all only encourages their self-aggrandizing gothic tendencies. You say, what the fuck do you know, you fucking asshole? or something along those lines. To which I say, I know more people who've successfully (and unsuccessfully) committed suicide than you, and I've gotten sick to death of it. Don't come barking up my tree on this, I have rabies. Good day.

"The day after the end of the castless world" -- can you explain what this means?