| Re: For Elizabeth, Wherever She May Be by wilco |
20-Feb-05/5:35 AM |
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| Re: Hunger by Dovina |
22-Feb-05/5:43 AM |
Dear Christ this is bad.
I mean, not just grammar bad,
Though that's a big part of it.
It's simply philosophically unsound,
Callous to the extreme,
Dangerous,
And all around poorly conceived and phrased.
To read this comment, please print it in a single line of text on a rock and fling it at your head.
I'm being absolutely serious.
So none of this 'zodiac just likes to pick out little things and ignore the blah blah blah' crap, please.
PS-I just read your comment beginning "War is bad." Consider taking some of your own advice.
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| Re: Boiled by INTRANSIT |
22-Feb-05/6:21 AM |
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its' should be its. Artichoke, what?
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| Re: Kaleidoscopic (Re-Edit) by Sasha |
22-Feb-05/6:23 AM |
These are the rough lines:
with old components, as you brush or soap,
with stranger friends who blow us off with âNope,
- I can't say what's wrong with them exactly, except the first one should probably not have a "brush or" and the second is simply too run-on to end with Nope.
I can't remember how it was before. I thought maybe better?
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| Re: A Child's Christmas by Sasha |
22-Feb-05/6:26 AM |
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"But stopped because the star was not the floor" is too cute. :-(
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
22-Feb-05/6:30 AM |
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A shoe with a head? What the fuck ever!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
22-Feb-05/6:31 AM |
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Jesus, two mad/sad rhymes in one post. -2-
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| Re: Help me find a poet (This is an actual question, not a poem) by Plaidypus |
22-Feb-05/6:31 AM |
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| Re: The Plane of War by MacFrantic |
22-Feb-05/6:32 AM |
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Before reading this poem, I didn't know war was bad.
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| Re: Pennies by woodstock20000 |
23-Feb-05/3:13 AM |
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You sure do a lot of grieving for those days. It's kind of sad. -10-
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| Re: Mistress of Dreams by Dreammaker1024 |
23-Feb-05/3:26 AM |
Could you explain the line "In their palms they hold my depth"?
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| Re: Jack and Jill by Dovina |
23-Feb-05/3:31 AM |
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| Re: Hunter Thompson, In The Off Beat Chance Of Cunnilingus by horus8 |
25-Feb-05/10:17 PM |
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The best part was "my hair was dark and short".
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| Re: Itâs the Management by Dovina |
25-Feb-05/10:48 PM |
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I don't think you have a really good idea what you're trying to say.
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| Re: Untitled by MacFrantic |
25-Feb-05/11:00 PM |
Punctuate at the line ends.
Delete the "all" before flattery, and make flattery 3 syllables.
Write this in real English.
Write it on a real topic.
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| Re: Ode by James Rykelangeli |
27-Feb-05/10:03 PM |
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Welcome to poemranker. It's funny you wrote a poem in a stuffy contemptuous rhetorical style about stuffy contemptuous rhetorical poets.
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| Re: Homecoming Parade by wilco |
27-Feb-05/10:05 PM |
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Please consider dropping the "I quit my job" and "I quit my life" bits.
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| Re: How Do I Become a Poet? (with John B. Benitez) by Vince Dolamando |
27-Feb-05/10:07 PM |
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I'd guess you probably just need to grow about twenty years while not ending up like Dovina.
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| Re: To Hell With Dylan Thomas by villy_zee_vanker |
28-Feb-05/9:49 PM |
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It's not a bad poem, but I think it's unfair since Dylan Thomas can't answer, having pickled himself ages ago. Why don't you write a response to someone living? Seriously.
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| Re: Forsaken by DevilBuni |
28-Feb-05/10:00 PM |
Some real advice for once:
- Don't invert word order for a rhyme.
- Don't cripple grammar for a rhyme.
- Don't rhyme fear/tear, choose/lose, stand/hand, or taken/forsaken. An easy rule is: if any song I've ever heard does it, don't.
- The way you continue sentences through lines like the ones ending in 'shun' and 'back' is really good. The rest of the lines seem poorly connected and mostly for rhyme's sake.
- Punctuate.
- Don't write poems about friends dissing and you don't know why.
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