poemranker ::Untitled by MacFrantic

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Sonnet № 120711

Untitled

by MacFrantic

Member since 2003 · Posted 24 Feb 2005 · 3 comments

‘Tis thee of whom they speak, this much is true When sayest they what I dare not to say That Autumn’s brilliance dulls, if not for you And if thou late awake, morn shall delay Hear now all the flatt’ry thou hast consumed That satisfies the o’erflowed confidence Should Vanity be with your breath entombed Consider now; fools wise still have no sense To love and be loved are but separate things Such paths I hope shall be forever crossed For some, a joy accepting life may bring But in shadow some know their path is lost Let golden voices tell thee golden curses And truths be black, I’ll dare to tell in verses Please give me tips because this is for a contest.

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3 comments

[8] Dovina 25-Feb-05/6:59 AM Reply
Line 2: sayest is singular, they plural.
Line 3: use "thee" to stay with the old English.
Line 4: the beat is off. Try morn delays.
That's as far as I got. You've got the old (yawn)English voice alright.
[7] bamf909 25-Feb-05/10:12 PM Reply
the feet are inconsistent. good effort, maybe just rework it a bit.
[10] zodiac 25-Feb-05/11:00 PM Reply
Punctuate at the line ends.

Delete the "all" before flattery, and make flattery 3 syllables.

Write this in real English.

Write it on a real topic.