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Hunter Thompson, In The Off Beat Chance Of Cunnilingus (Prose Poem) by horus8
Once while having dinner with Sandy Gallen Carrie Fisher, and David Geffen at Geffen's Malibu Beach compound I saw president Clinton land in a medium sized helicopter with an interesting Paint job. The two men shook hands, had a one minute conversation, and then parted ways as if it were all just a continuance. Still seated at the large wooden dinner table with Sandy, and Carrie, I couldn't help but feel like a seal turned game ball in a killer-whale's match of tail-toss. Sandy was eye-ballin' me like a rack of pre-cooked-ribs While Carrie venerated on and on about when she landed Harrison Ford during the making Of Star Wars. (Due to her mother's purchase of philosophical tutorials for young Carrie) She was able to seduce Harrison with her new found wit... Thank god I was immune, due greatly to her performance in the space classic having turned me into a cynical dyke. See, I always thought her and Luke should have banged one another before finding out that they were brother and sister, forcing her to move on to 'The Older Man'. Anyway, I couldn't figure out what I was eating There was some kind of fungus, and perhaps veal? Geffen had purchased my time for the night for an unspecified price, my hair was dark and short. I was wearing lovely yellow glasses, and new black Guess jeans. It was raining out, and the sun had just kerplunked into a pool of golden blood, and oranges. After dinner the fiasco continued, and gained speed We were to watch a movie together, all of us, in Mr. Geffen's private home movie theater. The picture Was Boiler Room. A miserable movie starring Vin Diesel And Christian Whatever about some telemarketers Wallowing in their own shit and genius. Before The flick, Geffen passed around a wooden box full of drugs. Happily, I shoved my face into it and Bobbed for anything that would fit in my mouth. The movie started, I nodded off thinking Christian Whatever looked like a young version of Bob Evans. I might have even said it out loud. Ruining My chances for any big money having let the cat Out of the bag. Everyone realized I wasn't just any Ordinary-Orange-County-Hick. I'd been mentored, I'd been groomed. When the movie was over, and it was only Geffen And I remaining, he showed me what big money could Really do. He flipped on some DJ Quick, and revealed That his entire body had electrolysis, and For a short man, he was swinging a big stick. I gulped nervously, shit, no matter how many times - - I watch those skinny little guys disrobe I'm always Blown away to see such huge dicks? What the fuck? It's just not proportionate in an architectural Sense damn-it... Now comes the hard part Where to draw the line, but not get the three hundred dollar early dismissal, but rather the overnight Jeep Cherokee deal behind curtain number 3. I gathered my Resources, punched in the clock, And carefully went about my work.

Up the ladder: Fuck
Down the ladder: A Man Who Cares

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.428571
Weighted score: 5.1152606
Overall Rank: 6003
Posted: February 21, 2005 1:11 PM PST; Last modified: February 23, 2005 2:12 PM PST
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Crakyamuni

Comments:
[10] edpeterson @ 68.79.203.220 | 22-Feb-05/7:17 AM | Reply
not too carefully, I hope, or that 300 dismissal lingers, smoking a camel, right around the corner!

I wonder about the words "venerated" and "fiasco", and whether you might not find something that crystalizes what you mean there a bit better.

This was an absolute delight to read. It purred down the screen, finely oiled, smelling vaguely of Big Mac droppings and fat cubans.

Your hair was dark and short. Nice touch. Just excellent writing and a 10

When are you due back to AP? Are you even coming back? I hope so. Things have grown a bit dull in your absence, and in the void you left, I am being attacked by all the illiterate teeny boppers, "U R an Ass. Do you get off mAkIng fun of kids with ADD?" etc etc etc...Also, I have some problems with the sound on my PC, so can't listen to the music you send me. Shame that. Trying to remedy
[n/a] <{Baba^Yaga}> @ 24.130.62.63 > edpeterson | 22-Feb-05/11:45 AM | Reply
I return on the 26th
[8] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 82.39.21.223 | 23-Feb-05/4:11 PM | Reply
My favourite bit is "Geffen passed around a wooden box full of drugs."
[10] Crakyamuni @ 131.252.183.26 | 23-Feb-05/7:55 PM | Reply
That was insane.
[10] Crakyamuni @ 131.252.183.26 | 23-Feb-05/7:58 PM | Reply
Honestly I'm illiterate, but goddamn, this was an inspiration. I have never read anything as good on this site. This may be an insult to you blue bloods, but I'm in love with this poem.
[10] zodiac @ 212.118.11.12 | 25-Feb-05/10:17 PM | Reply
The best part was "my hair was dark and short".
[0] Edna Sweetlove @ 81.178.237.73 | 23-May-06/4:02 PM | Reply
Illiterate and grossly mis-punctuated. Up to your usual standards of bollocks.
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