Re: Potential by Christof	12-Apr-05/5:51 AM
Drop one of the "drawn"s from the first two lines. Change "found" to "find", and possibly "spent" to "spent".
Re: Homecoming by Dovina	12-Apr-05/6:01 AM
The third and last stanzas are well-written. The rest could use some poetry.
Re: look east when you leave west by Caducus	12-Apr-05/6:05 AM
There seem to be a lot of dangling, misplaced, or mismodifying participle phrases in this. Some examples: "Feeling atlas blue the Atlantic pulse quickens;" "pulling me in currents I fight it with leaden arms" "Staring at the ocean you loved my soup of bones." I wonder if you realize you're writing about an Atlantic pulse that feels blue, you pulling yourself in currents, and a woman who loves bone soup (but not necessarily the ocean).
Re: ugly parade by New Life Drug	12-Apr-05/6:08 AM
There are probably happy people somewhere. You just don't know where they hang out. They want it that way.
Re: trully, madly, deeply by Blindpoetry	12-Apr-05/6:09 AM
You're saved from eternal mocking for this by the fact that you weren't even potty-trained when the song "Truly, Madly, Deeply" was popular.
Re: Perfect Answer by Alizarin_Crimson	12-Apr-05/6:10 AM
Were you in a Philosophy class when you heard that? Do you believe "Because" answers the question "Why?"
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Apr-05/6:13 AM
Okay, I accept that your poetry is your form of reflection or whatever, but from our perspective it seems like you don't do anything with your boyfriends but have sex and break up. Would you ever consider reflecting on something else, like, I don't know, riding horses on the beach or the time you assigned car-models to all your friends' personalities?
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Apr-05/6:15 AM
It seems like you've used the phrase "Thoughts provoke actions" in, like, five of your poems. Are you running out of thoughts?
Re: Haunting Dreams by AtomIcPromIse	12-Apr-05/6:18 AM
In my country, people actually do throw acid at other people's faces. It's just not a very cool image.
Re: Looking Over the Blueprints by somemorepoetry	15-Apr-05/10:53 PM
I liked it a lot at the end of stanza 2. Seems like everything after that needs to be tightened up a bit.
Re: Spit Factor by [mojo]	15-Apr-05/10:55 PM
Do you ever want to pull your cock out in public? This is the poem for you: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=94210
Re: Requiem for Faith by James Rykelangeli	15-Apr-05/10:58 PM
I would use another word instead of "dolorous". Or drop it altogether.
Re: believing by whispern_smoke_wisp	15-Apr-05/11:04 PM
You're probably wondering why you really got such low votes on this one. I'd say it's because you start with a bad assumption ("If all it takes for fairies to be real...") that no one really believes anyway, and then apply it in a kind of backwards way to God (since the fairies bit you copped from Peter Pan was CREATED TO BE a metaphor for childlike beliefs in general, especially belief in God), then you just kind of jump to the bumper-sticker bit at the end. Besides that one, sort of faulty, idea, there's nothing really to make this poetry, no originality of expression or imagery. Please don't get me wrong. I like you and want to see you stick around and improve. Don't be offended.
Re: believing by whispern_smoke_wisp	15-Apr-05/11:05 PM
And no offense intended - really - but it seems like instead of posting a half-dozen mediocre poems at the same time, you could use your two-day limit to REALLY work on ONE of them, maybe the best one, and make it something more than mediocre.
Re: wonder by the_poetess	15-Apr-05/11:06 PM
People like you.
Re: Freedom by shadows	15-Apr-05/11:09 PM
This poem is utterly illogical. Bush actually says it better, and that's saying a lot.
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Apr-05/5:45 AM
I'm glad you've gotten that out of your system.
Re: Birmingham gardens by INTRANSIT	17-Apr-05/5:53 AM
I think "the death of fall" is misused - and didn't you just say it was spring? And didn't you skip a season? Also, "exchange" alone is better than "exchange rate" (which is too cute). And what's up with the end?
Re: We Were Burnouts by jessicazee	17-Apr-05/5:55 AM
You're really getting very good. The loose parts in the middle are made up for by that amazing last sentence.
Re: the Dreamer by darylchew	17-Apr-05/5:57 AM
Sorry, but this is the one-thousandth time this exact poem has been posted on poemranker. Or sung by the Beatles, for that matter. If you want to write about something original (and you should), why not write about somebody who DOES something?