DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 123547

the Dreamer

by darylchew

Member since 2004 · Posted 16 Apr 2005 · 4 comments

He just sits in his dark, grey room now, lost in himself, In his thoughts Is it a form of escape, from the grappling hands of fate? In deception he lies, For he is a dreamer He dreams. Of playing all the pieces of Life’s repertoire, There always doesn’t seem to be enough time. Will he ever act? Walking with shuffling feet down the sheltered halls, Throwing it all away in reckless abandon He has time to kill, Or will time be the death of him?

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4 comments

[8] zodiac 17-Apr-05/5:57 AM Reply
Sorry, but this is the one-thousandth time this exact poem has been posted on poemranker. Or sung by the Beatles, for that matter. If you want to write about something original (and you should), why not write about somebody who DOES something?
[n/a] darylchew › zodiac 17-Apr-05/7:09 AM Reply
well, I'm sorry if you find this poem so unoriginal but it just came in a rush of thoughts. and I don't exactly listen to the beatles no, I'm fifteen years old. thanks for taking the trouble to comment anyway : D
[8] zodiac › darylchew 18-Apr-05/10:13 PM Reply
Can I make a suggestion? Most people don't want to read other peoples' rushes of thoughts. They want to read something you've put a little effort and time into. Doesn't that make sense?

If you're going to say, no poetry isn't like that it's spur-of-the-moment and emotional - well, then you'd be wrong. Most well-liked poets spend a lot of time and energy making their poems look like they didn't take a lot of time or energy.

Anyway, one thing you should think about while writing a poem is that IF YOU'VE EVER HEARD anything like what you're thinking about writing, don't write it. Write about something different. I'm not trying to dis. I know what it's like to be fifteen and starting to write poetry. This is what I wish someone had said to me back then.
[7] Ranger 17-Apr-05/1:08 PM Reply
I guarantee people on this highly-accommodating site will slate this. Make it humorous and you might convert them. Perhaps after the 'will he ever act' you could put something like 'will he remember to breathe?' or maybe 'will he contract AIDS?' (although the answer to that seems quite obvious to me).
It's a decent start, and as someone wise on here said to me, not necessarily in these exact words, be unto yourself true. If you like your poetry that's the most important thing - unless of course you harbour dreams of getting them published. Then you have to pander to the masses. 7