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believing (Free verse) by whispern_smoke_wisp If all it takes
for fairies to be real,
is you and I saying aloud
that we believe in fairies.
Then perhaps, the same method
will work on God.
Please, all of you,
say it loudly with me.
Let's all agree to belive
in some sort of supreme power.
Then perhaps
we could
give
peace a chance.
Up the ladder:
Stabbed with a Carrot
Down the ladder:
Not M.A.Y.
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.8333335
Posted: April 14, 2005 3:32 PM PDT; Last modified: April 14, 2005 3:32 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.9551764 Overall Rank: 8735 Comments:
[6]
Dovina @ 12.72.12.45
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14-Apr-05/4:04 PM
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Reply
Why do you expect that a god we all decide to believe in will bring peace? How many of the others have brought peace?
Peter Pan Logic only works for children. -5-
You're probably wondering why you really got such low votes on this one. I'd say it's because you start with a bad assumption ("If all it takes for fairies to be real...") that no one really believes anyway, and then apply it in a kind of backwards way to God (since the fairies bit you copped from Peter Pan was CREATED TO BE a metaphor for childlike beliefs in general, especially belief in God), then you just kind of jump to the bumper-sticker bit at the end. Besides that one, sort of faulty, idea, there's nothing really to make this poetry, no originality of expression or imagery.
Please don't get me wrong. I like you and want to see you stick around and improve. Don't be offended.
And no offense intended - really - but it seems like instead of posting a half-dozen mediocre poems at the same time, you could use your two-day limit to REALLY work on ONE of them, maybe the best one, and make it something more than mediocre.
This is the most egregiously simple-minded philosophy I have ever read in my whole life. Apart from the grafitti on the toilet wall that says 'I didn't write this'. But that's beside the point. The point is that as soon as we all agreed to believe in this supreme power, we'd all then start to argue about what it looked like, what sex it was, what it actually did... adn then, hey presto! We have the last 6000 years of history ALL OVER AGAIN. I think I'll pass on that thanks. And at the same time, I'll pass on this poem, which isn't so much a poem as a mis-spelled, unrhythmical and ultimately whimsical bit of cracker-barrel wiseacreliness. Listen to Zodiac.
(sees the hitchhiker and goes for the next gear up.)
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