Re: The Marble Me by PsydewaysTears	21-Oct-05/9:35 AM
I thought from the title this was going to be awful. Then the goth-pop came in and I saw the marble was actually a, you know, shooting marble. Ace. -10-
Re: Leg by jessicazee	21-Oct-05/9:38 AM
Wow, sexy. Now I'm all like, (chugachugachugachugachugachugachugachugachugachuga) - She's got legs... (chugachugachugachugachugachugachugachugachugachuga) ...and she kno-ows how to use them...
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Oct-05/10:25 AM
The image of the thorn bird is great, that's why it was used to say exactly the same thing in the famous novel and miniseries The Thorn Birds. I don't see how this poem could lose from changing it to some other bird, except it would lose some whiff of secondhandness.
Re: Slim and Pretty, Or Not by Dovina	22-Oct-05/9:34 AM
A nearsighted man will see you clearly if you are close, and fuzzily from a distance. Are you sure that's what you meant? That aside, rather too like one of those women's-keychain jokes like, Have you ever noticed all of women's problems start with 'Men'?
Re: In my palm by Prince of Void	23-Oct-05/5:02 AM
You're probably too young to know that for one glorious summer the name on everyone's lips was Evan Dando.
Re: Count the Days by longships	23-Oct-05/5:04 AM
Yeah, and I've got news for you: being a poet doesn't get you laid like it used to, when Wordsworth and Coleridge could get non-scaggy college girls whenever they wanted without waiting or foreplay.
Re: Ruins by Caducus	24-Oct-05/4:11 AM
Why sculptured instead of sculpted? As it is you have 'a statue sculptured', a verb which I can only imagine means 'made like a statue'. In other words, making sculpted 'sculptured' adds no meaning at all and eliminates an easy chance to add meaning. On a constructive note, I think it would be helpful for you to add actual, modern details about Rome. Seriously.
Re: Send The Devil... by horus8	24-Oct-05/4:12 AM
Nice.
Re: Petals by Jeremi B. Handrinos	24-Oct-05/4:13 AM
"My plight for water" is worth a ten. The rest's an eight.
Re: Haven by cyan9	24-Oct-05/10:33 AM
Wow. This is like a dictionary of creepy words, but formatted by a post-prime Billy Corgan.
Re: fox and hounds by nentwined	25-Oct-05/2:31 AM
Well, you were never going to be able to get away with the moon's laughter running down your thigh. Nice attempt.
Re: Eternity by Dovina	25-Oct-05/2:40 AM
Woo-hoo. Mt Nebo's here in Jordan, you know. Upward, indeed. Everything except "But the opposite is true / Strength and vigor exhausted" is great. Change that to something less totally didactic and wood-tongued. Or drop it altogether. DOVINA: But that line's the whole point! ZODIAC: Exactly.
Re: MOMENTS From A Madman's Mind by PsydewaysTears	25-Oct-05/3:01 AM
Way to fix the title. Now what's with all the randomly capitalized words?
Re: dialect by skaskowski	25-Oct-05/3:02 AM
A: Negro.
Re: i hung that page to dry by FreeFormFixation	25-Oct-05/3:03 AM
Are you painting a photograph? Touching-up?
Re: hoppy by calliope	25-Oct-05/3:07 AM
God bless thy poor bald pate. God bless. thy hollow winking eyes God bless thy shriveld beard. God. bless. thy many wrinkled forehead Thou hast no teeth old man & thus I kiss thy sleek bald head Heva come kiss his bald head for he will not hurt us Heva -Blake, Tiriel
regarding some deleted poem...	25-Oct-05/12:55 PM
This would be good, maybe, except my rule is never use anything you've ever heard or seen before in poem, book, song, or film. I happen to love the Neil Young song. Also, drop either "once" or "last" from the line that has both.
Re: Intimate Joy by flightoffancy	25-Oct-05/12:57 PM
By a bizarre coincidence, a guy in this internet cafe just asked me what the English word "intimate" means. I'm afraid to ask why he wants to know.
Re: when i make sculpture by ay deee	26-Oct-05/5:53 AM
"Usage Note: It is not surprising that blatant and flagrant are often confused, since the words have overlapping meanings. Both attribute conspicuousness and offensiveness to certain acts. Blatant emphasizes the failure to conceal the act. Flagrant, on the other hand, emphasizes the serious wrongdoing inherent in the offense. Certain contexts may admit either word depending on what is meant: a violation of human rights might be either blatant or flagrant. If it was committed with contempt for public scrutiny, it is blatant. If its barbarity was monstrous, it is flagrant. Blatant is sometimes used to mean simply “obvious,” as in the blatant danger of such an approach, but this use has not been established and is widely considered an error."
Re: The cold shoulder by <~>	27-Oct-05/4:16 AM
Awesome. The best part is you were giggling. I love it.