Re: a comment on The last day of an old year by poetandknowit	23-Jan-03/3:30 PM
Wonderful if you mean it. As I told Ranger, show me what you see, sketch it out for me, don't tell me how you feel anymore, it's presumptuous, and worst of all , boring. I went to an art exhibit at UCLA last weekend and 90% of the students were horrible hacks because they believed it wasn't necessary to have the fundamental skills to draw something recognizable. I see the same arrogance here at poemranker. If you take a look at PAKI's work as you say you will you'll find the simple ability to make things understood. Also Ornella-in-disguise, hair slicked back wearing an eyebrow-pencil-mustache, finally gets the fucking point a couple of times. Stop trying to run when you can't even let go of the coffee-table without wobbling and falling over. DESCRIBE a THING forget about feeling. They are to intence and you can only start at the very beginning. Tell me what you look like. That is your first exercise. Look in the mirror, look around the room.
Re: The last day of an old year by poetandknowit	23-Jan-03/3:20 PM
This is really deliteful, a good strong edit. My only small complaint is 'abstinence' they arre so young you couldn't mean sexual so ... I'm left wondering. Otherwise flawless, a real pleasure.
Re: The Crutchling by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	22-Jan-03/9:46 PM
How can anyone deny your genius? You make me laugh so, and the high quality of your musings never ever slips, well actually soem of your little aids things weren't good enough. Probably because you didn't extrapolate(sp?).
Re: a comment on Minoan lover by Jeremi B. Handrinos	22-Jan-03/9:26 PM
Have you got the costume that goes with this soliloquy? I'd cream to see you step of the truck in leather breast-plate and pleated skirt. This is the part were I through my box of popcorn at the screen and walked out. I wrote " I Am the Widow of a Murdered Husband" that night. Mr. Crowe is the spitting image of my beloved's father, no kidding. I loved him in L.A. Confidential, and thought he did a great job with the crap he was given in Beautiful Mind, but this movie is a stinker all around. Foochy!
Re: The Corte de Bleu by GregDeEgg	22-Jan-03/9:12 PM
I lie your style a great deal, once again pictures galore. Thank you for showing and not telling. You write like a novelist.
Re: In This Room by GregDeEgg	22-Jan-03/9:09 PM
Interesting. I like the pictures, there aren't enough around here. The sprite I don't like and the vinyl flames I don't understand. Very modern, very hip.
Re: nothing, as today by <~>	21-Jan-03/4:03 PM
Fantastic. Minimal. Just what I was thinking the other day, only a lacked your articulance. Thank you.
Re: Listen For Once by Sarahmarie	21-Jan-03/3:04 PM
Jesus Christ girl, slooow down, infact STOP, take a look. The mothers love you because you're just like them. The boys are tired of their moms, be some other thing. What the fuck do you care anyway? You carry the seed. Anyway your poem is bland and of low-intellect.
Re: 2 weeks and a day by Bill Z Bub	21-Jan-03/2:59 PM
Last stanza first sentence, Jesus this is what i live for. "Roughed dewed" What the fuck does it mean I can't say, but my heart is in love with it. A good draft.
Re: Matter Of Fact by wordontheverge	21-Jan-03/1:05 AM
Some fantastic lines. 'Turning into a...' is a wonderful line. this needs some editing but otherwise very touching.
Re: Epistemology (2nd draft) by Ranger	20-Jan-03/8:33 PM
ok here goes... The first line is half good, the first half. try to come up with a more interestng way of saying the rest. Is it important for the Greek to be sitting? If not just say the Greek.. Contemplating-- morality... Why do you put 'issues such as' in there? These are the things you need to eliminate, these terrible unnecessaries. They work for creating a character's personality, but since this is you talking, and your subject is complicated enough as it is, not to mention you're writing poetry, brevity is your friend. ...and what makes it do real... ...such as the sorts of... ...onto-should be 'to'... ...and what makes it so real(how about and it's reality')... Oh well got to go libraries closing. I'll get back to it later tonight. The point is you are learning to crawl, and that's ok. Pay attention to those writers you admire, copy their style for a while, your's will emerge.
Re: The Militarization of America by Quarton	20-Jan-03/2:47 PM
You're telling me, not showing me. Which turns important information into useless rhetoric. Our real strengthes? Give me some examples of what you've seen. 'A policy of guns for butter' you'd need more of these concrete examples. Make it more interesting, touch me.
Re: Perversions 3: Payback by razorgrin	17-Jan-03/1:55 AM
It's not nice to show the war you're living inside.
Re: the midget of humiliation by Bill Z Bub	16-Jan-03/8:35 AM
Get rid of 'at least I know...' Get rid of the midget, he got you going but doesn't fit in with this educated crowd of words. the poem starts at stanza 3-'Out by...' the last 3 lines are really wonderful. You need to concentrate between 'updraft...I had to take the train' .
Re: Old Man by keatsImnot	16-Jan-03/3:25 AM
So we kicked the shit out of him and hit him hard in the head with our bong, man. Then the police came and said the dude was dead.
Re: flight (a poem written in high school) by Bill Z Bub	15-Jan-03/12:43 AM
Quite fine. Did you ever get to fuck the Language Arts teacher. Were you scandalous? Too shy right, too stupid to make a move.
Re: Playing Jerry and crap by w~* ATHENA *~w	15-Jan-03/12:36 AM
Spot the Looney.
Re: a comment on alienheart by Bill Z Bub	15-Jan-03/12:26 AM
A rat?! A Rat really? well no wonder we have a kinship. My darling rats so diligent and out of touch. Rats always survive. i follow them quietly and make them fall in love with my elegance. My dear sweet rats.
Re: alienheart by Bill Z Bub	15-Jan-03/12:20 AM
A mish-mosh.
Re: Faith Poem by jess33	14-Jan-03/11:10 PM
The last stanzas a beauty. All in all I certainly understand. I get it, so for that a long withheld 10.