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flight (a poem written in high school) (Free verse) by Bill Z Bub Sway back,
swallow the wind
and fly
gentle sylph.
tease the hem
of a grey-mantled
sky and
touch the tips
of pine-crowned
cliffs.
show me your
secrets
in transparent
limbs,
I'd follow
if only
I could,
to wrench the clay
of my feet
from this
cold and
dusty earth.
Up the ladder:
Come Night time
Down the ladder:
wish
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Posted: January 14, 2003 11:12 PM PST; Last modified: January 14, 2003 11:12 PM PSTWeighted score: 6.0 Overall Rank: 1292 Comments:
I'm cracking up i read your poem and thought exactly what gods wife said, so did you? you smoothie you. By the way this is quite beautiful it enchanted me, you have many sides to your die and most are sixes -9-
The silver-tongued devil rolls 6, 6, 6 every time.
Too bad its just a meaningless number.
Real good!...can dusty be another word though...more...i don't know rare?
How about... squalid? grimey? corrupt and dingy? draggled?
Hmmm.
My favorite so far. Quite different fromt he first draft. I love the rhyming, tips/cliffs. Could/earth. Really a first rate poem. Change 'dusty' to something truer, deeper. Something sadder, more poignant.
Good thing you wrote this in high school. Of course, your writing hasn't changed all that much, eh? Good try!!
thts real good man but not as good as ur others
and when crit me remember i am only in H.S. 306 view(s)
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~ahem!~