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the midget of humiliation (Free verse) by Bill Z Bub
Out by the strangletrees in the demonic summer, that's where I lost you. Can't wait for the air to change and I can wear my navy pea coat and hide my stool-pigeon mouth behind wool and steal another quick heartbeat until it melts with the snow. I know I've got one season to believe in when the air is cracked dry like your lips and I can read your breath on the updraft. Maybe when the curse of the summer is over. I could go to some cerulean island where shame punctures this skin to let the stinging sea in.

Up the ladder: Meditation 02
Down the ladder: The Corte de Bleu

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 10
.. 01
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 5.6666665
Weighted score: 5.0794687
Overall Rank: 6341
Posted: January 15, 2003 6:36 PM PST; Last modified: August 17, 2003 3:17 PM PDT
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Comments:
[7] <~> @ 67.84.171.238 | 15-Jan-03/10:42 PM | Reply
some very nice moments.

your last stanza feels incomplete (though beautiful) to me.

[9] Ranger @ 212.219.142.161 | 16-Jan-03/8:14 AM | Reply
Ah, ya bastard. You sit down, braindead and write very fast and this comes out. I've spent fucking weeks on a poem and it's still bollocks. Grr.

10. Much respect for you poetry.
[9] Ranger @ 212.219.142.161 > Ranger | 16-Jan-03/8:15 AM | Reply
Beg pardon, I meant your poetry. Stupid keyboard.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232 > Ranger | 16-Jan-03/8:19 AM | Reply
Well, yeah, I'm a genius, but I must admit one or two lines were orphans from old poems that needed a new home.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.212.215 | 16-Jan-03/8:28 AM | Reply
I very much enjoyed the title and the first four lines. I did not enjoy the rest.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 24-May-03/8:35 PM | Reply
Try this on for size. Okay, so it's really two separate poems squashed together. So What! I don't need your attitude mister! And furthermore, this poem was chosen to be published in "Butt Lust" magazine! So there!
[10] god'swife @ 209.179.136.42 | 16-Jan-03/8:35 AM | Reply
Get rid of 'at least I know...' Get rid of the midget, he got you going but doesn't fit in with this educated crowd of words. the poem starts at stanza 3-'Out by...' the last 3 lines are really wonderful. You need to concentrate between 'updraft...I had to take the train' .
[9] razorgrin @ 192.197.142.128 | 16-Jan-03/11:03 AM | Reply
I like the midget. keep him. and the rest too.
[5] deleted user @ 216.148.213.195 | 17-Feb-03/12:04 PM | Reply
Nice images, but strikes me as a personal remembrance, or at least one I don't have personal context for.
[9] Ranger @ 213.1.45.14 | 17-Feb-03/12:10 PM | Reply
I like the edit except for st. 6. I gave you a ten last time and stanza 3 more than equals that.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232 > Ranger | 28-Feb-03/9:00 PM | Reply
help me I'm shrinking
I'm shrinking away
inking away
shrinking inking away
shrinkinink.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232 > Bill Z Bub | 24-May-03/8:38 PM | Reply
My, how you've grown!
Whoever just voted, please do so again, as I had one small edit to make. All done now.
[10] INTRANSIT @ 152.163.252.7 > Bill Z Bub | 24-May-03/8:38 PM | Reply
Nice little stunt you pulled, tearing up the town....you and your Eleanor.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232 > INTRANSIT | 24-May-03/8:42 PM | Reply
I guess I need to buy some lifts, 'cause that went right over my head. Eleanor?
[10] INTRANSIT @ 152.163.252.7 > Bill Z Bub | 24-May-03/8:46 PM | Reply
Yes, then. A nice hydraulic lift maybe?
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232 > INTRANSIT | 24-May-03/8:51 PM | Reply
Lucy, you have some 'splaining to do!
[10] INTRANSIT @ 152.163.252.7 > Bill Z Bub | 24-May-03/8:56 PM | Reply
One of the last lines from "gone in 60 seconds". I guess this isn't the crowd for those type of shenanigans eh?
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232 > INTRANSIT | 24-May-03/8:59 PM | Reply
Well, it's a bit obscure compared to Star Wars, bud.

I like the word "shenanigan". It sounds Irish.
[10] INTRANSIT @ 152.163.252.7 > Bill Z Bub | 24-May-03/9:02 PM | Reply
'tis. I'm all of 25% Irish. woo hoo.
[10] INTRANSIT @ 152.163.252.7 > INTRANSIT | 24-May-03/9:00 PM | Reply
I'm crashin'. Gotta move some cheap ass Kia product tomorrow. Maybe by that time I'll have written something worth ranking. Me?
HA!
[9] Ranger @ 212.140.118.243 > INTRANSIT | 26-May-03/11:35 AM | Reply
You are too critical to yourself, most of your poems are miles better than anything that I can manage-not that that's saying anything, but still.
Hey Bill, I like the content but it didn't seem right reading with all the breaks-it's just my opinion but I think it needs to be more together...other than, it rocks!
[10] INTRANSIT @ 216.137.193.104 | 17-Feb-03/2:44 PM | Reply
Must....find....time...to...digest!
[10] god'swife @ 209.179.211.10 | 28-Feb-03/10:38 PM | Reply
Where the hell have you been? I suffer through one more trial and no Lucifer to tempt me with his light. Lovely poem. 'Pea coat, stool-pigeon, cracked lips...' This poem is speaking to my twisted-up guts.

Last stanza, second line 'punctures this skin' try it, you'll like it.

[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232 > god'swife | 1-Mar-03/8:08 PM | Reply
Hey gw! Thankyou a thousand times for your comments. A mild approval from you is precious to me, like tears of diamond that streak down my cheeks whilst eating "Death Rain" potato chips (Habanero flavour! xxxxx!) and reading a letter from my very first love, who I talked to on the phone again just this week. Oh where has the time gone, it has swirled away, but she's never changing, crystalline, her fragile defiance spears my abdomen with perfect playfulness.
Was there ever someone who brought you the greatest joy and the deepest despair simultaneously? Can this truly be that which is called "love"? Or is it merely my masochist mind?
..."this skin"..."this skin"... hmm. yes.
Where have I been? I've been busy surviving, working, searching, cleaning, being audited, trying to organize things in my new apartment, etc... the list is never ending, like the suffering of the world. And my computer crashed 3 times while trying to get onto Poemranker. Gah. "blow wind blow, wherever you may go, put on your overcoat and take me away, c'mon and take me on into the night, take me on into the night, blow me away..."
[8] Mr Pig @ 62.105.88.10 | 1-Mar-03/5:48 AM | Reply
You have the beginnings of a sublime work let down only by an inconclusive ending. Now my dear boy try and focus on the ending, irony would fit like a golf glove. For example you detail most beautifully 'nature' and the representation of where you lost her (S1). What you need to do is carry that on taking that beauty then ending it most cruelly with the decadence of human nature. This needs to end in a crescendo of your sufferance, I feel one owes it to ones self to strive for perfection here as this metabolic potential to be a poets poem and that Sire if you are prepared to work on the end, would be a rare endorsement from myself...8
[8] Mr Pig @ 62.105.88.10 | 1-Mar-03/5:48 AM | Reply
Lose the title also, it ruins the whole shabang.
[n/a] Bill Z Bub @ 24.112.224.232 > Mr Pig | 1-Mar-03/8:14 PM | Reply
Hows about just ... "humility". what wouldja think o'that, Mr Pig?

"mra eht ma I"
-Little Man from Another Place
[10] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 1-Mar-03/7:39 PM | Reply
Golden Q Tip. 10. Superb Edit.
Second stanza gave me a heart murmur.
[8] richa @ 195.92.67.65 | 27-May-03/10:26 AM | Reply
lots of imagery
If i have one criticism it is the careless use of words such as demonic.
I need luring in a bit more
[10] INTRANSIT @ 152.163.252.72 | 28-May-03/5:05 AM | Reply
I'm glad to have to vote again. If I'm reading this right, it is positioned as a reversal of events.
[9] eliastemplar @ 216.147.132.7 | 18-Aug-03/9:54 AM | Reply
I like your imagery. I like how it appeals to several of the senses.
[7] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 | 18-Aug-03/12:06 PM | Reply
put it asll together, tighter. again, get rid of the extra baggage. say what you mean, and less.
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