Re: Note before work by poetandknowit	14-Oct-03/10:09 AM
Pretty. Would it be better to remove the last 'and'? I like that you placed 'still' before 'against my skin' instead of the obvious ' memory still fresh'. My mind fights to leave it out there. This way there's the possibilty of it always remaining fresh.
Re: Battle of the brains by INTRANSIT	14-Oct-03/10:19 AM
I keep waivering between the idea of whether or not this should remain so small, or if you should try to write more stanzas for it? I do like it.
Re: The spinning infirmary by INTRANSIT	14-Oct-03/10:24 AM
Great title. You forgot the question mark. I thoroughly agree with your assesment. I'm constantly being transferred between the pysch. ward and cardiology. Why so brief, these poems of yours?
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Oct-03/10:29 AM
I don't like the world outside either. The alarm clock signals a kind of slavery I think, it also frightens me. I use to forget each time, now I work nights, so there is no hurry to wake. the days are mine. this poem could be more interesting if you replaced some of that spinning and squeezing with a little more insight.
Re: SIR FRASER by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w	14-Oct-03/10:43 AM
Dull
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Oct-03/10:47 AM
Oh, I see, twelve hits and no comments. Well obviously you're good at writing humourous verse, so that's not much of a comment, there's really nothing more to say. It's cute, the sentences all make perfect sense, except for the last, 'I don't want to trouble you' how is your schizophrenia and need for attention troubling to the others on this site?
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Oct-03/10:49 AM
By the way, the rhyming of I & II are about as clever as it gets. I think you could stand those up next to anything Ogden Nash.
Re: salt and celibacy by calliope	15-Oct-03/11:56 AM
does a failing libido equal celibacy? Stick to musing.
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Oct-03/12:04 PM
You're a avian Carlos the Jackel? Tel me please what satisfaction you get from writing these little inconsquential stories?
Re: Kites, Gunpowder, and a Chair by Geschäftsreise	15-Oct-03/12:09 PM
Why do I keep believing I might actually find some poetry here?
Re: African Killer Bees, it's not the smell of smoke by <{Baba^Yaga}>	21-Oct-03/10:58 PM
A ten, blue.
regarding some deleted poem...	22-Oct-03/10:25 AM
if eyes deceive how can they reveal? second stanza's fair sort of, nice idea anyway, but it's 'tow' not 'toe'. Mental constructs, interesting. 'Overflowing tearducts', as far from poetry as say, 'bladder infection', or 'compound fracture of the tibula'. then it all just breaks down into Juvenality Deluxe.
Re: My Chocolate F-9 by abecedarian	22-Oct-03/10:37 AM
'thickness' sanded? How, does thickness sand? 4th stanza- 'everything' or the only thing? The only thing left between me and my chocolate f-9 is a month, and then finally I'll hear her sing. The unbearable urge to rush is a disaster, waiting. So patience for once, do this right, just for once as I should.
Re: 3am by Nicholas Jones	22-Oct-03/10:43 AM
More please.
Re: glimpses by nentwined	22-Oct-03/10:48 AM
Wow, good for you. Much more depth then I've seen from you before. Could you move the 1st stanza inbetween some of the others? I think the second stanza would do much better as teh first, nice strong intro.
Re: falling in with the wrong crowd. by richa	23-Oct-03/12:38 PM
Many times I ask myself why I keep coming back to poemranker. Is it some sick co-dependent habit, an acting out of familial dysfunction? Then I find poetry, like an artifact toss carelessly among the rubbish, and I realize for a glimmer of a moment, no, it is my desire to feel the truth some stranger might share. A poem works for me not because I understand its details, but simply because the sound of it strikes upon familiar tones. This poem is pleasant, and poignant, the way a certain lullaby can calm, or the way a loved ones breathing registers a sense of belonging. Here is what the artist strives for, not sense, so much as beauty.
Re: Behind My Blue Eyes (rough draft) by Mona Lisa	23-Oct-03/12:44 PM
Lovely, needs some tidying up, but that's all. Please please get rid of the qoutation marks at the end. Oh, it's like wearing white platformed sandals with black hose. In fact if you toss that entire last line out, the poem would be the better for it. You've already brought the soul in at the first line of that stanza. Leave it be.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Oct-03/1:01 PM
I love your insight, but you need to explore the musicality of words. Take me away, you can know the physiology of sex, and never really make love. 'We roam between walls of our own creation' We roam between walls of our own between walls we roam between walls of our own creation. We roam in mired and meaningless routine Trapped between moments of inspiration. Lost between hope & despiration Heaven & fate...
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Oct-03/1:09 PM
Too much detail.
Re: Castle Psyche' by Sterling5583	23-Oct-03/1:16 PM
really good but again there's no sense of editing or, how shall I put it, candence? 'It started off with the murder of a loved one. The injustice haunts me even to this day. The only thing able to right what was done, Is to return the favor, in the exact same way.' It started with murder. My loved one. The injustice haunts to this day The only thing able to right what was done, Is the return of the favor, in the exact same way.