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Note before work (Free verse) by poetandknowit These first hours back at my desk,
away from you,
the hum of the typewriter as company
and the memory fresh,
salt of the Tasman Sea still
against my skin:
those days of summer
beneath a foreign sky,
and your laughter.
Up the ladder:
Tonight At The Dead Man's Ball
Down the ladder:
Ann & Dan & I
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.111111
Posted: October 13, 2003 10:17 PM PDT; Last modified: October 13, 2003 10:17 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.0555553 Overall Rank: 1196 Comments:
[9]
god'swife @ 67.73.29.151
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14-Oct-03/10:09 AM
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Reply
Pretty. Would it be better to remove the last 'and'? I like that you placed 'still' before 'against my skin' instead of the obvious ' memory still fresh'. My mind fights to leave it out there. This way there's the possibilty of it always remaining fresh.
What a tender slice of crap.
this is very beautiful
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