regarding some deleted poem...	23-Oct-03/1:25 PM
The title is awful. The whole thing is corrupt, but worth salvage. First of all why 'forest fairies would fight their way'? When it could simply be 'forest fairies fought their way' through tangle below... I just don't understand how the sense of rythmn is lost to so many.
Re: rainfall saga 1 by Bill Z Bub	24-Oct-03/6:12 PM
Somethings missing. Something small and important. Why do I want to read smile lure(s) fingers also, you do not show the thread that binds the smile to the rain and its thundering. You use the word 'weave' but do not. Smile-Fingers-Rain-Thundering. All lured? Some lured by certain ones, and not others? Show me the path, the formula here.
regarding some deleted poem...	24-Oct-03/6:24 PM
I love this poem. First of all the title works(though I think better without the parantheticals)... 'A Note From God'. Try an exclamation point after 'fuckers' in the first line. also, for me, the last line in the 2nd stanza should read monkey(s) making monkeys(One cannot do it alone) I get the feeling of God drunk, losing his inhibitions, and just saying "fuck yeah, you shit-heads rock!" and I like that image, because you know what, when it all comes down to it, we really do. Thanks for the poem. I've committed it to a happy memory.
Re: rainfall saga 7 by Bill Z Bub	24-Oct-03/6:35 PM
Again, you're holding back. I'm glad to see someone experiment, but as far as this lab rat goes, the prize IS the trip through the maze. This maze is nowhere, try again. At last At last At last You've got The Magic 3 working for you here Don't foul it up by chanting beyond what's reasonable.
Re: My deepest thoughts by poetandknowit	24-Oct-03/6:39 PM
A post- post- post- Modern Luther King Jr.
Re: Homecoming by http://mulberryfairy	24-Oct-03/7:16 PM
My skepticism about a poem usually revolves around what I perceive as an over-indulgence. Whether it's the use of too many inconsiderable words, or, as in this case, the over-abundant use of words which reek of a literary hauteur. My tastes run towards simplicity, an elementary, universal appraisal. So for me, the exclusion of working class sensibilities, is strictly inoppurtune.
regarding some deleted poem...	24-Oct-03/10:09 PM
'To river, bound in winter's keeping, one thousand crows, stark, shadow the snow, leaf bereft trees in their landing, while river stands white, locked in stillness below.' Now you're dancing. I'm sorry I did not see this pretty girl before. Might it work slightly better as; "Trees bereft of leaves landing In rivers white, standing Locked in stillness below"
Re: mother venus by elmundo	29-Oct-03/11:31 AM
Hmmmm... great idea. I'm really into random references which communicate the image or idea, so this is my favoite kind of lyric/poetry. That said, I'm certain the lead in was just something you came up with, at the time, to get yourself going. It lacks the integrity, vision, and sweetness of the other components. Also wouldn't it be better to be more specific about the time frame of kennedy's death? Instead of 'when' to say 'the day...' 'the year...' etc. It's ecstasy not extasy. My first impression was that I understand this and I like the way you put it together, traveling through those post-wwII television ideals and showing the reader how many light-years far they are from the reality of living and being.
Re: Love by EouSou	29-Oct-03/11:36 AM
It's two people's hearts. Sweet as pie. Unfortunately the rainbows send this zooming to Over-The-Top Ville. Again, my first impression was just kind of ahhhhhh... that's gentle + tender, and I'm all for that sort of thing. Does it really make 'all of life a single moment'?
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Nov-03/1:01 PM
I am on my feet, applauding + shouting bravo. A standing-O for El Negro Garcia. I am printing this and sticking it to the fridge with my Farmer's Insurance Agent's promo magnet. Thank you. The use of the names to bring these disasters close to the bone is simply a stroke(get it? 'stroke')of genius. Here is proof positive that art is our most resiliant asset.
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Nov-03/1:14 PM
Hard to follow. How does the row's shadow 'lay tight a bed-spring'/ What does that mean, exactly? And 'out to in...the visiting guest only' boggles my simple mind. My brainsky's all amuddle.
Re: my body is a battle ground by roses are read	3-Nov-03/4:49 PM
That longest second stanza is interesting but needs reworking, the rest should be thrown-out. Stick to the middle bit.
Re: funny man by roses are read	3-Nov-03/4:52 PM
This would be ok if you made things clearer. for example, 'diamonds dangling...' what's that symbolize? Also the last two lines, what does that mean?
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Dec-03/10:34 AM
Their fear is greater than their faith.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Jan-04/10:07 PM
OUR friendship. Try taking out as many little words as possible: 'Our friendship, like a maze Forever walking circles, walking backwards. Your voice, my get-away. Taking me from these places, Pulling me out of reality. Your breathes are my pathway, Leading me to peaces. Feelings put on hold, Pushed to the sides. And the rain drops to the ground A razor cutting through the pain. Great poem. No pretense.
Re: War zone by INTRANSIT	15-Jan-04/12:51 AM
I grew up with a sister. Only 11 monthes between us. She was older and a perfect bitch. Pretty fucking scary. Thanks for the poem, the tome is yet to be compiled, but if I did, I would certainly include this excellent truth. We are ruthless, we girls. But women are wholey some other thing. Just wait. Your barbarous offspring will grow into your best supply of joys once again. You'll see.
Re: The woods house by zodiac	15-Jan-04/1:07 AM
Brilliance. How excellent to see it. After so long in the swamp, finally a bit of art. 'It was a bad near miss' and from then on the poem takes hold of me, lovers trying to save a small life together, naked. their hearts just as frail, and their present life snared together. I love this poem. You have a harsh, poignant talent. My favorite.
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Jan-04/1:00 PM
I confused about moose horns. The only moose around here ar e the robotic ones at Disneyland, and they speak English. Are those horns blown by hunters, or is that the proper way to discribe the voice of a moose? I like the poem. I vote for 'soul' in the last line.
Re: Pilgrimage by Christof	19-Jan-04/10:54 PM
I think you could do without 'But' at the start of the last stanza. Otherwise perfect. the best use of prepositional phrases I have ever ever seen. the last two lines of the first stanza are beautifully constructed. A lovely percussion, well thoughtout wiht a terrific fallowt-through in the next stanza L2S2 is as pretty a thing as I've seen. Sort of a cross between e.e. cummings and Dylan Thomas I think. Top-notch. (Do get rid of that first 'but' S3, the more I read it, the more out of place it seems) Kisses.
regarding some deleted poem...	26-Jan-04/12:58 PM
over-all a good poem. Focused and controlled. I just have a couple of small criticisms: 1. S3L2 is not as clear as it might be. It took me a few moments to understand the intended meaning. I read it as 'Yet I am at a time...' instead of 'Nothing...is awake, yet I am.' There are several ways to tweak it so it makes more sense. Place a comma at the end of L2 or restructure the lines. I also think if you changed 'at a time...' to 'at THIS(insert appropriate adjective)time...' it would help. 2. Moon-swept. I hate that, but that's purely objective. The first two lines of the 2nd stanza set up the scene so well, and then aaagh! moon-swept. I really like the third stanza. It has a good rhythm, and a novel view point. The last stanza feels rushed at the end. I like the contrast of day-dreaming vs. not being able to sleep at night. Another interesting and novel insight. You need to expand on it. The last to lines of the poem are a let down.