Re: argentina by ThePariahDog	27-May-04/5:59 PM
See http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=71485. for my own view on the subject.
regarding some deleted poem...	28-May-04/1:55 PM
Nice proud structure, I love that. The beginning needs to be tightened a bit. the section were you start going about your business, mow wash shower dress, that's were the flows at. Could you carry some of that energy back to the front? There's something about the last line that's too pedestrian for this much heart felt philosophy. What if you left that last line completely out? Also you've got that lovely rhyme between 'before' and 'drawer' which would tie up well with 'once more' at the end of a last line. I don't know how you feel about rewrtiting things to death, I'm compulsive about it, but if your happy I'm happy.
regarding some deleted poem...	28-May-04/2:28 PM
How does a gossamer kiss have a sanguine depth?
Re: Waking by wilco	29-May-04/2:52 AM
The good news is; the 2nd stanzas perfect. The bad news is; I don't see any reason for the 1st stanza.
regarding some deleted poem...	29-May-04/3:00 AM
If you'd edit this down to the last 9 lines, this poem would be great. Oh, yeah, and the glimmer like gold line, that also is good. Sincerely.
Re: The Bed by Fear of Garbage	29-May-04/3:10 AM
Try saying things without using IT. For example just fat, cherry red.../ The head is brown, The sheets are blue. / The first two its(scrap it, sell it)work well. Leave those as they are.
regarding some deleted poem...	30-May-04/2:05 PM
Why? is not good enough. No need. or Whatt ever the hell it is you say to people when your drunk and they're patronizing you. Your instincts are great. You're intouch, but as for my own tastes, I keep expecting a nice ginger/sesame salmon with couscous and you keep serving up pot roast, it's good, it's tender, and the potatoes are just right but... It's really all about me isn't it? Most everything is. The difference, for your writing, between great and good is the difference between eggshell and navajo white. That last line's a sensation.
Re: For Antony's unborn by Mona Lisa	30-May-04/2:15 PM
Great.
Re: GENTLE JANE by titan69	30-May-04/2:20 PM
Beer.
Re: dancing on air by killingjuliet	30-May-04/2:22 PM
Nice ending. Drop magical mystery. It's like sand got into your peanut-butter and jam.
Re: lost in the riptide by killingjuliet	30-May-04/2:23 PM
ugh.
Re: forget me nots by killingjuliet	30-May-04/2:26 PM
Congradulations.
Re: Suicide of the Ego by Drifting Shadow	30-May-04/2:33 PM
I've got balls, brains, clits, tits, patience and inner peace. Your poem's still crap. p.s. Happiness is overrated. p.p.s. You're an asshat.
Re: floating by tre	30-May-04/2:53 PM
what's wrong with your poem is what's wrong with 99.9% of poem's her, nothing happens. It's boring.
Re: Ode to the bright one by tre	31-May-04/11:09 PM
Title's all wrong. Should be called 'Ode To My Dildo On Loan'
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Jun-04/11:53 AM
I was a vegetarian in the late 60’s. It was rough. No Amy’s or Eastman’s at the A&P. I’d go out with my friends to eat Wherever they wanted. Mostly, we went to Pink’s. I’d ask for a kraut dog, extra mustard, no wiener. They’d hand me the order with The wiener on the side. I’d feed the wiener to a stray dog then commune with my friends. One night, an [old, black woman]* taking my order Stopped, put her hand on her hip and said, "I ain’t got no time for such foolishness, next"!** Her righteousness strong and husky. I’ve remembered that voice all these years. I hear it each time I ask for something different from what life decides. Every time** I want Respect, Sympathy, Love, Faithfulness, I hear that (put new, different adj.s here to describe the woman)woman repeating those words and I know It's God talking. Telling all of us fools lining up with our own Special orders- 'I ain’t got the time…'. Now, forty years later, I understand what that Voice was telling me-- God don’t have time for all your Foolishness. You want a Kraut dog, extra mustard, no wiener? Keep it simple stupid, pull the wienie out yourself. You want the good life? Well alright then You got life, the rest is up to you. Make it good. *describe her 'oldness' to me her 'blackness'. As old as... black like... **Does the puncuation go on the outside or the inside of a quote? I always forget. *** Every time is two words. Change the title. The Weiner, or Pink's, or Sometimes God Is a Hot Dog Salesman, etc... I like poems that sound like someone speaking, but all those ands, thats, howevers, distract. It's also nice to leave some of the info out, so the reader feels he's in the know. Just suggestions, take what you like.
Re: Better Days by pain killer	2-Jun-04/12:52 PM
A couple of lines detract, the last and 64-65. Lots of interesting similes, and adj. good.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Jun-04/12:56 PM
You should use the assonance between volatile and pride. Try 'drunk on tequila and pride' instead. The first line is wonderful, except for 'clear'. It should just be bacon. The end is silly, is it meant to be?
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Jun-04/1:02 PM
Boring
Re: Amateur night - God, a one man show by fair12	2-Jun-04/1:08 PM
The last line's a mammoth disappointment. Some very good lines and structure. In S2, I can't tell if you or the stones are whipping through a bleak blue sky, needs clearing up.