poemranker ::Waking by wilco

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Free verse № 103197

Waking

Member since 2004 · Posted 25 May 2004 · Edited 28 May 2004 · 3 comments

Crimson eyes shine in the dark; shaped like morning. Shake the cobwebs from the fourth corner of my mind. Shuffle through the debris on the nightstand, searching for the days first cigarette. Open the window for a breath; drawn deeply. Run my fingers across the scars on the headboard. Just like yesterday and the day before; for luck and the hope of repeating it.

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mean 8.10 weighted 6.55 rank 645 views 310 View voting details →

10 votes so far. Yours would make 11.10 votes so far

3 comments

[10] Dan garcia-Black 25-May-04/7:02 PM Reply
One moment can create a lifetime of history or two. Good-10-
[10] god'swife 29-May-04/2:52 AM Reply
The good news is; the 2nd stanzas perfect. The bad news is; I don't see any reason for the 1st stanza.
[10] zodiac 29-May-04/2:52 PM Reply
days should be day's. You knew that, I'm sure. Drop the semicolon after breath. Change everything after headboard. Up to that point, I thought it was pretty good.