| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Waking (Free verse) by wilco Crimson eyes shine in the dark;
shaped like morning.
Shake the cobwebs from the fourth
corner of my mind.
Shuffle through the debris
on the nightstand,
searching
for the days first cigarette.
Open the window for a breath;
drawn deeply.
Run my fingers across the scars
on the headboard.
Just like yesterday
and the day before;
for luck
and the hope of repeating it.
Up the ladder:
A song I wrote for kristie played backwards
Down the ladder:
Secretary
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 8.1
Posted: May 25, 2004 2:22 PM PDT; Last modified: May 28, 2004 9:44 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.55 Overall Rank: 646 Comments:
[10]
Dan garcia-Black @ 64.161.177.233
|
25-May-04/7:02 PM
|
Reply
One moment can create a lifetime of history or two. Good-10-
The good news is; the 2nd stanzas perfect. The bad news is; I don't see any reason for the 1st stanza.
days should be day's. You knew that, I'm sure. Drop the semicolon after breath. Change everything after headboard. Up to that point, I thought it was pretty good.
310 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
